gong xin ji.... fish simply cannot find a reason to not fall for the emperor lee yi (portrayed by chen hao). he is far too nice a character le lah. ahhh... so nice until fish is slightly angry at the scriptwriter for giving her such a nice big bubble, only to be poked when she finished the show. argh. why on earth did they include the gao xian yang character? see lah, now liu san hao cannot be with the emperor lee yi. argh! how very irritating *angry. fine, but its just a show and such a nice and wonderful person does not exist on earth. ok, so tvb-addict fish should wake up. wake up! nonetheless, chen hao still rocks!!! wahaha.
 

side point, but realised this weird fish here appears to have a soft spot for most of the actors who are not that young, (oppz!) but who are all very charismatic, and at the same time manage to give a her feeling of 'depth'. in addition, she also cannot help but fall for those characters who really loved another character so much more than they love themselves, to the point that unrequitted love does not matter as long as the other party found his/her happiness. perhaps this scene is far too unrealistic in real life, so a piscean has to feed on this realm in shows. haix... hopelessly idealistic tvb-addict fish...

in fact, a review of her three favourite actors... the first two actors had attracted her by the characters they portrayed... both of whom were really really really very nice people in the show. there's gallen loh from tian di hao qing and chuang shi ji, and also lin feng from zai sheng yuan. and finally, her most favourite actor at the moment ~ chen hao!!! ... this one was somewhat most special to her because she had first liked him for his role in luo shen, as a really really nasty character. though his role as jingkeng in feng wu xiang luo simply swept this tvb-addict fish away, his role in gong xin ji simply made fish want to marry this suave emperor lee yi... as in the character in the show. chen hao's eyes are simply mesmerising in gong xin ji plus he really exudes the air of kingship... most importantly, the way he loved liu san hao is simply.... haix! speechless.

those scriptwriters, really enjoy taking things to the max. the evil ones are so evil (and smart) you have no choice but to applaud their schemes while the nice people are simply nice until its beyond your comprehension, such that i, the audience feels a bit extreme-fied by gong xin ji. but i was really really sad at the end of the show leh, (even though it seems like at least liu san hao and gao xian yang can be together, and its good)... but lee yi is the only nice person who did not find his happiness eh! ...all those whom he loved or love him either died or left him. while he stood by the walls of the palace watching san hao leave, i was hoping all the time for her to turn back and return to his side lah! all the way until she found someone who resembled xian yang in her hometown, my heart simply went out to emperor lee yi... despite being such a nice emperor, why is he still alone and by himself at the end of the day? when all he ever did was simply for the common good of his people, where is the happiness that he deserved? *argh.. irritating scriptwriters... why so unfair to him. haix. i like him eh. not fair. :(

oh, forgot to mention about my favourite actresses in tvb... i think there's only 2 so far whom i like... the first one was kenix kwok ke ying from chuang shi ji.... i guess i liked her mainly for her character, while the second one whom i really really liked was yeung yi!!! (tavia yeung). i remembered noticing her as a second degree actress in her earlier shows, but had liked her since then.... she's someone whom i thought really has the potential for both evil and nice roles. now that she's become a first degree actress, i am so happy for her!!! hehe. :D

intrinsic and extrinsic.

half the time extrinsic people do a whole range of different things to make themselves feel good. and the other half of the time, they spent it on telling themselves they are not affected by others, when actually they do. to have any expression of anger, hatred, the like for darkness and firmly believing in self interest is in itself a form of expression of disappointment in the world. to not care means to feel nothing, inclusive of the want of self-parody. not changing oneself in accordance with others' oppinions or wishes does not mean that one is not affected by them.

to fish, there is really nothing cool about being in the 'dark' side because that route is so straightforward that everyone can take. self-centeredness is inborn, there is no need for any extra work, no struggle within yourself. in fact, one simply has to try to ignore everyone and everything else around him or her, and that's about it, for the dark side cares solely and only for oneself; one own's feelings, one own's thoughts, one own's perception and one own's interest period. anything else is irrelevant. this is not difficult at all, and therefore, what's so cool about that? fish doesn't get it.

and therefore she has never really been able to identify or relate to anyone or anything associated with goth culture or any popular culture or any branded fashion for any matter. in her eyes and heart, in terms of 'coolness' a gothic or branded outfit is nowhere near that of mother teresa's, one which was adorned with love and one that represented the triumph over selfishness. the former two represented nothing, nothing except the momentarily feeling of pride from the praise of the general public. one only need to pay for it with cash. after some time the same outfit or accessories can simply be chucked aside to make way for newer and prettier looking fashionable outfits.

materialism consumes a person from the outside, while the want for others' recognition eats one from the inside. happiness is a choice, so is sparing a thought for others. only you can make a choice to be who you want to be and decide for yourself if the kind of happiness you seek is one that is meaningful or one that is of emptiness. this choice may affect others because of certain things you choose to do, but at the end of the day, you are the one who's most affected by your own decisions. a lecturer once quoted that an adult is the corpse of a dead child. fish would rather swim against the currents than to be swept off by them; she will keep trying, no matter how hard it takes to retain that child in her, she will fight to keep what is intrinsically priceless. may she stand the test of time.


when one chooses to give one's life for the love of others, that spirit is what endures the test of time. when our lord gave his life for the world 2000 years ago, his name was never forgotten till this very day. it would have been easy for him to come down from the cross when he was crucified and so much harder for him to remain there.

this day a little blue fish swam in the slightly blue waters.
yet neither the fish nor the waters knew why they were both blue.
little blue fish swam for a long while till she came across a purple package.
for that brief moment, she was seen to give a slight, warm, yellowish glow,
one which she had forgotten how long ago was her last's.

be reasonable. because this is not an excuse.

recently fish is simply tired of trying to discuss things peacefully and amiably, tired of her constantly listening attitude and never-being-heard moments. she is tired of people's rude and disrespecting attitudes and detests getting into "self-assumed conversations" with those who only wanted themselves to be heard. she even lost track of the number of times when she felt like ending such "conversations" there and then, the countless times where she just wanted to tell these people: hey, you might as well just go talk to a mirror or a wall, since they would be ever patiently listening, and never give their opinions in exchange at all, and guess what? you simply don't have to talk to me you know? what we are having here is a one-sided conversation, so why not let's simply end it earlier.

people like to use 'excuses' to convince others, and 'reasons' to convince oneself.
yet essentially, excuses and reasons are all but subjective, defined differently by different people.

nonetheless, at the end of the day, all of us just want to be in a good light, appear responsible, that "we had no other choice" and blameless. fish personally feels however, that this should be left for others to decide for themselves, and not using one's utmost efforts to carefully select certain information to portray oneself in a nice light. for if these people are reasonable, they would neither judge nor be easily taken over by one's incessant insistence. they would be objective in their observations and not see through clouded spectacles. and if they are unreasonable, then to fish, their opinion simply does not matter one bit, period.

"i had no choice since everyone else is doing that." personally, fish firmly and strongly believes and classifies this as an excuse. if you truly detest what others are doing, and allow your very self to do the very same thing unto others, then stop trying so hard to give an excuse so as to see yourself in the light you want. you are but one of them, period.

here's something fish can never stand. overly self-absorbed in "being right" attitude and refusal to hear what others have to say before one gives his or her own judgement. if one firmly believes one is right, then shouldn't he or she have even more patience, composure and grace to hear what the other party has to say first, before incessantly insisting that one's argument is faultless? wouldn't it be easier to convince the others if you first understand the thinking trend they got themselves into and then steer them thereafter?

IT IS OUTRIGHT IRRITATING when fish waits for the person to finish saying what he or she is trying to say and then tries to tell him or her what she thinks and then the person just cuts in before fish finishes, or worse, doesn't even try feebly to let her begin her points. for even the most aggressive debating competitions allow both parties the right to speak, hence to fish, this is outright inconsiderate, rude and uncivilised. and she automatically places that person under her category of "people whom she'll never strike a sincere conversation with or talk to, on her own accord if she has a choice".

to fish, the logic, value and purpose of a conversation is this: she enjoys knowing your opinions, trend of thoughts and feelings on certain matter, and she is hoping to open herself to more views and perspectives which might never have occurred to her before, but at the same time as she is learning all these, if you don't even try feebly to listen, then it is to be considered that a fair exchange of ideas has never taken place, for it is simply a presentation by a presenter, but never a conversation. the soul and heart of a conversation lies in its engagement of the minds, thoughts and ideas of BOTH parties, as it is the case for hands to clap.

upon the shattered mirror her long intent stare.
her depth of soul, the abyss!
darkness creeps.

wants and desires, devoid of taste!

how long her gaze, in or out?
sad was her gaze, in and out.

her wait, her aches, her confusion.
her weary, cheerful looks.
she tiptoed on her shining silver dancing shoes.
watch her silent dance on edges of the green grass patch,
from faraway, somewhere faraway...


she will be alright,
she will be alright.

tell her you weren't seeing,
tell her you know not.
she is too tired for thy worried looks and the weathered grounds.

free her, let her go.
thy hand must not hold back what thy can never grasp.
to nowhere, she belongs,
to nowhere she must go.


she will be alright,
she will be alright.

according to wikipedia, friendship is defined as the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves MUTUAL knowledge, self-esteem, affection and respect, along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behaviour, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviours. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.

fish wonders... can two people with different ideals of friendship truly be friends? if one's expectation for a friend is to only understand what he or she feels but not interested to listen or even try to understand that friend of his or hers, can this essentially be termed friendship to begin with? if one defines friendship as you share my joy but i am not interested to share yours, wouldn't that someone be better off with a diary or journal book? when one does not even try to make an equal effort on his or her side, is this a balanced friendship?

everyone needs friend, but how much is one willing to give of thyself to whom you call a friend at the end of the day? fish has high expectations for that aspect. selfish fish in a way perhaps, but idealistic. if at the end of the day, fish does not enjoy being around selfish and self-centered people the tiniest bit, does this make fish one of them too? yet all fish looks for, is the willingness to try, on both sides. that's what she calls friendship.

a truly idealistic love story is one that should never happen in real life.

then there's an aspect which i begun to think about... that when one loves another, one is essentially only loving that person in his/her mind. the projection which one has made of the other person based on their past memories shared or, the imagined possibilites to be shared with that person. i.e. no one actually love another person for who that person really is - one only love that person for who one thinks he/she is... when the image fits in with one's hidden or sub-conscious idealism, voila! love sparks fly. this itself is explained in the theory that without love, there will be no disappointment.

see, disappointment only arises if one has expectations of another in the first place. if you truly love another person no matter who he or she is, then why would one have any expectations of him/her in the first place? it is because one is in love with one's imagination of that person, that's why disappointment occurs. one is disappointed at the fact that love, however idealistic one wishes it to be, is still grounded in reality.

the only mysterious component in love is the ability to feel deeper and more intense the emotions of that someone. without this empathising ability in one, there would hardly be any love to speak of. perhaps, we love so as to minimise the other negative emotions that arise if we did not love. so essentially we love others because we love ourselves, no? we make choices that might hurt us so people we love might be happy, and we call this sacrifice. but could it also be that if we did not make these choices, we are still hurt by the fact that people whom we truly love will not be happy? thus, "irrational" decisions we make can also be logical in this way.

complications in love only come in when we happen to love more than one person, presenting us with some conflicting choices to make. complications also arise when infinite future possibilities are projected differently between different people, of different people. see why loving a person who is unformed, like a child is so much easier as compared to loving someone who is fixed and formed and vastly different from what we hope he/she would have been like.

as long as one feels the depth of another's joy and pain beyond his/her comprehension, one is already in love.

cruel temptation

 

watched till the last episode. love it. nice soap opera. like the story. like the different characters and the way each of them go about making their choices... those seemingly straightforward/right ones, or those which one can't really tell till the very last moment. honestly surprised at the ending. felt a little ??! + cheated. nonetheless, still like the way each character metamorphosised.

 salute the lady scriptwriter. despite her slight dragginess at certain instances, and some far-fetched coincidences and timings, the whole production remains a fairly decent one. like the way she weaves the whole story, linking up signicficant places and her final knit-up of the complicated relations among the three families in a reasonably neat way. kudos to kim suh hyung, for an outstanding shin-ae-ri portrayed and jang seo hee, for all the tears she shed in all of the whole 129 episodes.

thought about the show a bit after finishing it... if the theory in this show is that love is something which one can neither make it happen nor work hard for it, yet one also can't ignore it, then what exactly is one supposed to do about it? isn't it somewhat irritating to find that its essentially something which one can do nothing to it or about it, and yet at the same time one also can't pretend it did not happen?

it appears that no matter whether one holds onto love tightly, or try to let it go, both seemed equally painful. so then what should one do in the end? then there is also the issue of looking at the big picture... if love is about two persons and the two persons only, then why should others be in the picture of consideration too? another confusing aspect of love. random, but i guess Jung Soo Bin would still be the character i like most - clear-headed and in control.

if love taken to both extremes meant unhappiness, one who is wise should perhaps then take it to nowhere.

her teary eyes that eternity dried,
lady in the painting, now none know.
broken, shattered and lifeless.
shaken echoes from beneath the ground.
weeping chain and a sorrow-filled lock,

all was lost behind that single lifeless door.

where the broken chains resided,
invisible shackles now lie.
marks of trappings,
bound by freedom.

faith is the gift i want most.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

off through the fluffy clouds on this queer little day,
floated our little water faerie, to somewhere faraway...

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

she had landed on this bandwagon;

she was thrusted into a folklore!

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

some humming she did, of a rather distant tune,
to the cheery sweet bird's gay little song.

  "da la da la da... la da la da dup!"

... bring her a harp and a lyre, with some cymbals and a clap!

let her swirl round the merry fire, aflame with life.

let her whistle a tune to the beautiful fireflies,
and then hold your breath, and watch how they dance!

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

on the tallest tree's thinest branch, went three cheeky squirrels

scurriedly flashing their secretive smiles
despite their ticking pocket watches.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

take a stroll down the moonlit path,

scented with moments of faint lingering nostalgia.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

look, into the endless darkness,

to find hope humbly and dazzlingly sprinkled,

across the long lost universe.

da la da la da... la da la da dup!

just as dawn and dust must break once more,
into the abyss of sweet dreams, one by one falls.

da... la... di... ... la... ... dup.

a lot and nothing.
alot and nothing.
hollowed emptiness.

can you hear the water dripping?

one, two, three and four.

silence.
darkness.
breathe.

no air.

one, two, three and four.
one, two, three and four.

one, two, three and four.

one.
the one i missed.
and now there's nothing left to say.
right.

you can't hear me.
you never will.

what defines the boundary where the little stream reaches the sea? and when the sea reaches the oceans?

why do some explanations appear to explain, yet they fail to provide you with comprehensible answers?
why can't people stop asking themselves questions to which they find no answers to?
why can't human minds be quietened with answers that cannot be further derived?
because natural selection worked against it?

why do logics contradict? is this even logical?

the line. that most do not see.
human choices are the variables.
the path untaken... the other reality, will things truly be better?
constancy. what's your constancy in this dimension? what's mine?

a seemingly simple hypothesis for a complex situation - which gets nowhere, apparently.
but only the ocean flows to the sea, and the sea the streams.

fish needs a rest.

"you really don't understand, do you?"

 

"i don't want whatever i want. nobody does. not really. what kind of fun would it be if i just got everything i ever wanted? just like that, and it didn't mean anything. what then?"

coraline coraline.

fish is currently permanent-ly immersing herself in the songs by this David Cook guy... the time of her life. she does not lie,  and her declaration - she did it for you.

Come back to me when you've had enough of  life on the moon.

a simple quest by a simple fish,
the deflation of the bubble inflater.

 

bubble of the fish,
what gentle, serene grin.

little fish gets hooked on criminal minds!!!

little fish really really loves the effort put into the scripting of each episode of criminal minds; from the story plot to characters' development, to those really nice quotes which pop up just before or after each episode, that never fail to linger on in her little mind for a little while... and not forgetting those really nice songs that helps her feel the emotions embedded within each character.

one of the songs which fish enjoyed blooping:

my side of the story... by hodges

one of the quotes which fish enjoyed bubbling:

"no matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." 

~ terry pratchett

on light and darkness. 

who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?  

~maurice freehill

testing one's true acceptance. what is your strength to accept the world you'll never be perfectly ready for? when the fight involves you against your very self, your emotions, your thoughts and your pride, and when it seems you've gone too far in to turn back to the blinding light and yet you know that the path when continued on, leads to darker darkness?


for every single thing one is given in perfection, life, health and the ability to change, one ought to give thanks twice - for one did nothing to earn it. yet, the thankfulness of some is transient, inwards, repressed and even contradicting. when one feels its below one's dignity to thank, then perhaps the dignity which one had in the first place is limited.

one can perhaps run away from almost everything; things that one dislike, things that bring strong negative emotions of fear and hurt, but one can never run away from oneself. if one does not start somewhere, then one does not start anywhere. strength and courage never came before the first step. it comes as one goes along. strength from within can only be released if one made that decision to take on the hardships attached to the option chosen.

as often as one looks for things to desire and hold on to, the list will be unending. yet, even if one posses such a list, spend all their time looking for enjoyment and pleasures, life can still be as hollow as it has always been. one has missed the point of living.

life is what you make of it. if you find yourself disliking most things, then perhaps you should relook on the amount of effort you subconciously spend on looking for more things to displease yourself, just so you can comment to others about your displeasure. Correspondingly, if one had all along focused on every single thing to be thankful for, and finding beauty in all that one is given, happiness just seem ceaseless.

only you have the power to decide to cross that line within yourself to the site where happiness resides. happiness just does not happen without any internal struggles; realise that all that stops one from being happy is essentially one's own heart.

l i f e. celebrate it! let it reveal its wonders to you slowly, movingly.

this day, water faerie decided to do some pondering about life and the diversity it encompasees. seems that there are more differences than similarities... quite a bit of which that do not make sense to her. there is still much to learn, she realised.

if one day, however, when she does gets it, she probably got it because she believed in such a one day in the first place. there are certain things that do not need to be forgotten, neither do they need to be traced all the way to the origin for an explanation. they just needed to be revealed in time. they simply required one's patience.


some try so hard to find something, anything other than their own decision to account for why certain things did not come out right, while some blame themselves too hard.

some judge one's rejection or acceptance of certain stuff by the immediate expression as a result of one's emotions felt. yet somehow little faerie is beginning to see that emotions should never be the limit. One always have the option to learn to accept, and with the decision to try, comes strength and fortitude. that single first step. the many first steps, in life.

little water faerie ever met this wise lady on this hot day, and all this lady ever did was to keep her eyes closed, be still, and feel the breeze surrounding her. to grasp something invisible requires wisdom, but the wisest need not grasp everything before he or she chooses to accept. the wise lady simply appreciated and enjoyed the breeze that was there but was not felt by most.

s t o r y . o f . a . s a d . b l u e . b i r d .

for what mystical and enchanented blue glass,
my wings now ceased to flutter.
bury me in the soil of my beloved land,
one which i should never have left.

courage of a fool,
now paid back in full.
sadness of samson.
for a delilah who would never return his love.

.t.h.a.n.k.f.u.l. .f.i.s.h.


when one is thankful,
one is contented.
when one tries to find beauty in whatever world he/she lives in,
one finds happiness.

when one tries too hard to feel envious of others' world,
one will never be satisfied.

happy are those who have not lost anyone, and yet realised how much they actually love them.
happy are those who cherish everyone around them, regardless of importance.
happy are those who know how to be thankful.

My side of the story (by hodges)

Cold wind blows, I am shivering
My body aches, my heart is breaking
Why is life making me hollow?

Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?

In the shadows

Hold on

Don't turn and walk away
Save me
I cried these words but nobody came

I'm all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear
My side of the story

Emptiness it’s all around me
I try to catch my breath
Barely surviving
I can't go on and I come undone
There's nothing left in me

Hold on
Don't turn and walk away
Save me
I cried these words but nobody came

I'm all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear
My side of the story

As I fall down
As I fall in
I cried these words but nobody came

I’m all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only My burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear

My side of the story.

this day, little fish was suddenly inspired by the tale of the sleeping beauty and decides to hum a hymn to herself in her little bubble...

i woke up from my sleep to find
half a century gone in a wink.
i lost track of the times where i'd dreamt
of opening my eyes and looking into yours
had your lingering kiss forgotten,
the emptiness it left behind?

wanted to look for you instead
tried to fight the spell but can't break it.
did you happen to hear my cry?
tired from my sleep and too tired of dreaming,
was i simply waiting cos its you
or there's nothing left for me to do?

five hundred years in the castle
with all the fears that had dried my tears
the destined one to revive me,
the spell is hard, i tried and i couldn't lift it
dear, why are you so faraway still?
ride a little faster, for my sake

the day you shall arrive sweet prince,
watch me sleep and kiss me just once more
this kiss was all i waited for
lift me from all my lonely dreams and still sorrow
kiss me nightly before we part
till the very day i fail to wake

let not you heart be filled with pain
on that very day, rememeber this-
that it was me who loved you long
before we met and dreamt of you since, and now,
its your turn to dream of me and,
this time i shall find you in your dream

a leaf off an old old diary book...

 

this very day, little water faerie was amazed at herself by herself. she smiled a few times (to herself) when she flipped through some rather yellowish and tattered pages of her little hidden enchanted diary, she smiled at how some of her own recollections had become so faint she almost wonder was that the same her who wrote the entries some time ago and yet, they still managed to bring back some fond memories when she read on.

she sniggered as she came to the realization that she had misdated and mispelled some words in a couple of her little adventures and thoughts' entries... like how she thought her diary (who is about to turn 3 in a couple or more days) was born on the 26th instead of the allegedly 24th october 2006 (opps!) and how she used to think some things were "wierd" and now most things are still, "weird".

oh wells... but all in all, she's still rather pleased with her ability to self entertain and be self-entertained... all these while as she sat peacefully on the grass, leaned quietly on a huge oak tree and thought, what a weird, autistic and mildly proud little water faerie she was.

on matters of style, swim with the currents.
on matters of principles, stand like the rocks.

fall slid quietly across winter's frozen lake,
amidst the very breath of mid-autumn's very air,

shone the brilliance of the summer t'was not too long ago,
when spring blossomed into the newly formed earth, the

mingling aspects of the theory of constancy and,

the unacceptability of newness,

detachment of unsettling doubts,

and unsettling the attachments,

the way a knot would bind, hold or trap.

just the other day, i swam down the avenue of emotions,

with you by my side.

you by my side.

music and the sea, we're like mozart and the whale,

mozart and the whale,

mozart and the whale.

apple of my eye in a fairly bright green fashion.

(but you're not an apple!)

no, you are but a fruit filled with passion,

in that rather simple a way.

stay this sparkling, stay this green.

dear apple tree,

my dear dear passion fruit tree,

for me.

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

appreciate yet not seek,

for she'll only wait,

for one who reaches her soul,

however far.

gently, patiently closing eyes,

you'll never find her

unless she shows you how

but you'll never know,

for so deep within the forest, she had sat.

gaze not on beauty too much,
lest it blind thee;
nor too near,
lest it burn thee.
if thou like it, it receives thee;
if thou love it, it disturbs thee, -
if thou hunt after it, it destroys thee.

- francis quarles

to see the unseen and to forget the seen
to hear the unheard and to forget the heard
to forget what you know and to know with your heart,
this too shall pass.

my side of the story is my love will bring you home.

once upon a time, a fish swam in the quiet waters down south,
there in the north, a cat strolled along a quiet path.
somewhere along, this fish misses that cat. so much.
somewhere within, this fish knows, that the cat probably misses her this much too.

same moon, same stars, different skies.
same sea, same horizon, different shores.
same heart, same thoughts, however far.

a golden drop, from the sun's very golden ray.
an autumn leaf, carried by the wind's very breath.

thou will knowest. i know.

the greatest wisdom of all is to realise the insignificance of man.

recently decided to listen to a song recommended by my friend... the show by lenka

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC76b0VZQog)

found rather inspiring and love the idea of 'life' and 'love' being portrayed as a 'show'.

what a really nice perspective to take on in life, to take everything life brings to you like how you would watch a show... a concept that makes you embrace moments that are rather heavy-hearted with a graceful smile because you get a chance to learn how to move on.

some point in time i believe everyone will eventually reach this point and once they do, that's when the frequency of happy moments increases and wisdom more significant.

guess from long ago ages, man had always been relentlessly seeking life's very wisdom...

a sioux prayer from native american legend...

Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds

Whose breath gives life to the world, hear me

I come to you as one of your many children

I am small and weak

I need your strength and wisdom

May I walk in beauty

Make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made

And my ears sharp to your voice.

Make me wise so that I may know the things you have taught your children.
The lessons you have written in every leaf and rock

Make me strong!

Not to be superior to my brothers, but to fight my greatest enemy....myself
Make me ever ready to come to you with straight eyes,

So that when life fades as the fading sunset,

May my spirit come to you without shame.

bound, by warmth or by baggage?
be freed. the most powerful words you can ever say to yourself.
with grace, give your best smile.

why are things slipping away?
why is the world slipping away?
had i loosen my grip unknowingly?

then why am i slipping away too?
refusal to see any picture.
no big picture, no balance points.

turn away before your heart breaks
walk away, before you no longer smile
use all your energy to wait,
all for a better tomorrow.

often times, the one who can blindfold you for the slightest and briefest moment without you noticing are those who may really not be that simple.

between the boundaries of thinking too much and over-estimating another, there exists a thin line afterall.

the ability to make another feel the possibility of the non-existential sides so very subtly definitely requires skill from one and slightly unthorough thinking on another's part.

relating to another and communicating yourself successfully - an art? a gift? from one's heart or, something slightly darker?

would you mind pausing for that little while?
and simply breathe just by yourself?
if not, please breathe for me?
or, let me breathe for that little while?

choice.
would it had been easier to make a choice and then pull through the choice you make?
or give up halfway and then blame yourself thereafter?
what about today?
what if you are making me more than i was meant to be?

why do one still get one's plate filled up,
even if one don't go around asking for food?
why do one swallow all these food,
even though one was never hungry?

why do one put one's stomach to the test
just because food should never be wasted?
why can't people serving you see how filled your plate already is and how full you are?
why can't they look for another plate to pile their food?

cos you are simply too convincing in your assuring smile?
cos you are round the corner though you tried to hide?
cos you are too yourself?

cos they never bothered asking you?
cos it was never their concern to know what's going on with you.
cos you think you can take it in the end?
cos they think you can take it in the end?

would you mind pausing for that little while?
and simply breathe just by yourself?
if not, please breathe for me?
or, let me breathe for that little while?

just a little while.

everyone in his or her life lives to find and learn to see the greater scheme of things.
some will see this picture earlier than others, while some may lose sight of the picture somewhere along the way.
it doesn't matter when one starts to find cos it is not necessarily the earlier one starts, the faster one finds.
yet, once one gets the big picture, finding the balance point becomes easier, though it will still be a constant balancing process.
but everyone will start somewhere,
and, everyone will meet some point, if not at the end.

the instant you forfeit your right to choose, haven't you already chosen?

there are some things in life in which you know once you let go, you can never find them back.
and yet, there are also things in life which you have to let go, so you can find yourself.

so what if the very moment you open your hand, you realised you'll regret for life?
and what if you can never really know if you should until you open your hand?

in all wisdom, we should simply grab as little as we can in life, just so we will have an easier time letting go and lesser things to let go of.

看完了整部 《花样男子》，印像最深刻的一幕是在景和智厚的一段对话。

"爱情是跟据欲望而实现的，我和智厚都属于太没欲望的人吧?"

总觉得爱的定义和方式似乎太广了。

是应该不顾一切的追逐，就算对方是因为你的爱而痛苦，只因你坚信能给她别人所无法给她的幸福？但你凭什么这么认为？

是应该小心翼翼地处处都为对方着想，把对方的思想和感受都看得比自己的还要重上好几倍，完全尊重对方的抉择，就算自己的心就快伤到不行了？

爱情到底应该是让人失去自我还是找回自己？
是终于在对方心里看到了自己的价值？
是觉悟了只要对方幸福就好，其它的一切包括自己都不重要？

当你和他在一起却又始终无法找到那个平衡点时，是否意味着这并不是一段属于你们的爱情？

总觉得伊智厚对金丝草的爱比起具俊表对她的爱来得更无私，更令人为之所动些。
也觉得如果 《花样男子》 里的 F4 若不是有如此超凡的才华，样貌和气质的话，一切的一切就只会是一段再平凡不过的爱情故事而已。

不论如何，安静地守护在一旁的伊智厚和放开了具俊表的夏在景都应该找寻一段真正属于他们自己完整的爱情，因为他们都值得去拥有真正完整的甜蜜和幸福。：）

you closed your hand,
you waited.
you counted to 10.
and then you opened it.

all to realise its no longer there.

flown far away, i guess?
quietly, so gently.
elves, faeries and magic spells -
castles in the air!
you see that?

that, is a thing of the past.
sweetly bitter and bitterly sweet were never quite the same.

dance, on a hilltop filled with chamomile flowers.
hear the bluebells ring.
see the swallows weave through the clouds.

then lie down on the pasture once more,
and slowly drift away,
to that faraway castle in the air.

time and season for everything.
meaning and reason for everything.

see.
wait and see.
learn to wait and see.
learn to wait.
learn.

learn to see.

just as things would never stay clear always,
so will they not remain forever shrouded.

explain, if you wish to be explained to.
save the explanation, if things can't be changed.

some people get it, some just don't.
some don't cos they can't.
some can but they never really want to.

some people wait for someone to understand them.
some people didn't even realise they were waiting for this while they waited.

some people are just content with finding one person who gets them.
this one person can be someone in mind.
this one person may be more than one person.
this one person can be someone they don't know too.

fish know this one.
what a contented little fish :)

let's see for a moment how inspiring the recent spate of events are :)
promising. quite.

there had always been some who want to tell the whole world about a particular something. some of these people eventually did, some didn't.

among these are some who initially want to tell the whole world something, but by the time they reach for their phones, they felt that telling half the world would be enough. and by the time they finish their first calls, they decided they were pretty much done.

there were some who go all the way, nonetheless... good stamina.

fish belongs to the last category, where telling the whole world rarely cross her mind. for any matter, its either important enough to share with just that few particular fishes, write it down in one of her journals (using her fins) or to simply continue thinking about it for a while more then forget about it altogether.

what a self-acknowledged lazy fish.

fish had never really enjoyed listening to some other fishes. but she definitely prefers that to babbling about her own stuff to other fishes who either lack the patience or are of a different wavelength altogether. for she was rather certain that would be quite a waste of time. and, she doesn't really want to subject the other fishes to what she's going through cos she really doesn't enjoy that.

it has always been easier to look as if one's engaged than to try and engage another, particularly if one feels like being neither, no? fish would also ask lots of questions too, just so she need not answer any.

she once tried to really follow her heart and be by herself, but every now and then some other kind and nice fishes (who doesn't know fish well enough) would swim to her and try to talk to her.

therefore one day, just like how social caterpillars start flapping their wings. fish concluded that in order to not let some other fishes worry about her too much, she should still blow some bubbles however much she doesn't feel like making them.

and only when she's surrounded once again by fishes who truly know her well, can she finally be the fish she is. see why fish feels proud to acknowledge the autism in her. and see why deep down, fish still never like new circles, particularly big circles, the smallest bit.

some mingle, some stay at a corner.
some wait patiently just to be understood.
some don't really want to be understood,
some don't really need to be understood.
some decided the fence is indeed quite a nice place to sit on.
some look forward to others filling up their space for them.

and some continue to enjoy swimming in peaceful waters.