"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Saturday, December 31, 2011

on this very last night of the year, little water faerie walked by the same path where she first met him. she had truly wished that they'd meet again tonight, somewhat by chance. she had thought silently to herself that if they did, fate perhaps would have something more in stored for them, and she could have at least wished him a happy new year. yet fate was something neither to be grasped nor taunted. weighed down by her little thought bubbles dangled on a few strands of disappointment (at her own juvenility as well as the foreboding outcome of her silly wager), little water faerie strolled out of the mystical woods into the warm, dark night. it was one of those nights where she truly wished they had met.

Friday, December 30, 2011

the mindless waves hit,
and the fish went mad.
pause! ~
too much bubbling and hustling is ne'er good.
swim back, against the currents!
blindly follow no further.
the trench is deep and dark,
and you'll be drowned by muck.
stop stop stop STOP!
rationality is important.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

if there is a plan for me, what would it be, my lord?
you created me to feel, to desire, yet to fear.
you created me to dream, to wish, yet to witness the pain of others.
you gave me a promise, a hope, which holds true only after life on this earth has passed.

my name was carved in your palm before i came into existence,
you held me as a child, you'd never let me go.
as i walk through life's journey, i see you and thank you in each and every happy and moving moment,
yet when the cross i carry keeps getting heavier, what should i do?

without you, my life would perhaps be a lot easier, unrestrained.
yet though my choice to believe in you made it a great deal harder, and more confusing,
my life did find its meaning and purpose.
still, your will for me remains a mystery.

you opened my eyes to the different sides of life,
am i supposed to see pass them or through them?
are you preparing me for them, or are you calling me to rise above these passing moments in life -
like you did on this very day two thousand years ago?

how do i see through your eyes if your ways are always so high above mine?
how do i look into my soul if half of it possesses longings, while the other half sees it?

Saturday, December 17, 2011

life would have been so much simpler and more carefree if only she could stay a child forever.
she would not be wondering about love, possess that yearning to taste it, or battle the uncertainties and fears that came along with it.
she could have continued to be that free-spirited and unyielding little girl riding against the winds, self-sufficient and strong.
but she would probably know nothing about courage, fear or the depth of life.

these she realised the first time she lost the rein to her heart.
and now, she stares history in the eyes, all over again.

she met him late one night.
he was mysteriously irresistable, so different from the rest.
drawn to him by his quiet demeanor and charm, she felt she could actually fall for him as a person, and not for another person with his set of character, and she cringed at this thought of hers.

what are the chances of him not already belonging to someone else? (or perhaps to the higher powers from above?)
when others spoke about him, it would always be something nice, and she was always silently and secretly attentive.
yet the part as to whether he belonged to another, never came up.

and then he appeared, stealthily in her thoughts, without her even noticing or realising how he got in there.
the first time they met was in the day.
they met again weeks later, unarranged and impromptu, on their way home.
their random meeting then led to a trip to the library, a shared dinner and looking for a pair of shoes for him.

she was surprised that time actually passed so fast when she was with him.
and it shook her a bit when a passerby approached them to ask if they were a couple interested in going overseas together.
she was shocked not by the passerby, but rather, by the fact that she actually did not mind being teased with him.

she felt like she could be herself when she was with him, and she truly enjoyed the conversations they shared.
he knew about her fettish for astronomy, and so that night when he stayed behind to wait for her, when they somehow paused to look at the moon together in the middle of the road, she thought seriously about him for the very first time.
but how can she feel this way for him as well, when she should only have the heart for one?

this twisted irony within her - the crave for the freedom to let her imagination roam, that unknowing uncertainty which cradled her idealism, and the need for her to find out if reality and idealism can indeed share the same horizon plane in the same time frame - can they truly reconcile?
she just wasn't brave enough, both of them were simply too close, and a little too dangerous.
and her surreal glass globe of irrational hopes and dreams was simply too fragile.

yet deep down, she knew things would change with time, she would look back and have a good laugh about these incoherent thoughts of hers.
she surely will, but when?

Friday, December 9, 2011

"this's the rose from beauty and the beast? but why is it in a jar?" he asked.
"but it had always been in a jar..." she smiled.

strangely heartwarming for someone to actually know where this rose (which she held so dearly) came from... her momentarily glow ~ was this attributed to the discovery of shared knowledge, or something that had been special simply because it was this particularly someone who noticed, knew and asked?

yet the vividness and realness of what she felt in the dream the night before kept her questioning... what a torn piscean.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

a thousand years (by christina perri)

heart beats fast
colors and promises
how to be brave
how can i love when I'm afraid to fall
watching you stand alone
all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

one step closer

i have died everyday waiting for you
darling don't be afraid I have loved you
for a thousand years
i'll love you for a thousand more

time stands still
beauty in all she is
i will be brave
i will not let anything take away
what's standing in front of me
every breath
every hour has come to this
one step closer

and all along I believed I would find you
time has brought your heart to me
i have loved you for a thousand years
i'll love you for a thousand more
one step closer
one step closer