"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Saturday, May 31, 2008

why the like to be in another world if the world is beautiful enough? why the dread of time passing? finite versus infinity. random. like this wise song. somehow.

Through Heaven’s Eyes

a single thread in a tapestry
though its color brightly shines
can never see its purpose
in the pattern of the grand design

and the stone that sits up on the very top
of the mountain's mighty face
does it think that it's more important
than the stones that forms the base

so how can you see what your life is worth
or where your value lies
oh, you can never see through the eyes of man
you must look at your life (look at your life) through heaven's eyes

a lake of gold in the desert sand
is lesser than a cool fresh spring
and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy
is greater than the richest king

if a man lose everything he owns
has he truly lost his worth
or is it the beginning
of a new and brighter birth

so how do you measure the worth of a man
in wealth or strength or size
in how much he gained or how much he gave
the answer will come to him who try
to look at his life through heaven's eyes

lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes
and that's why we share all we have with you
though there's little to be found
when all you've got is nothing
there's a lot to go around

no life can escape being blown about
by the winds of change and chance
and though you never know all the steps
you must learn to join the dance
you must learn to join the dance

lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes...

so how do you judge a man is worth
by what he builds or buy

you can never see what you life is worth
till you look through heaven’s eyes

you’ve gotta look through heaven’s eyes.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

recently've been stealing moments out of my hetic schedule (while waiting for buses, trains and while sitting on them too!) to catch up on the tremendous amount of reading (i missed out) and that which i so totally missed sooooo much over the school days. reading is truly one of life's most enjoyable pleasures. (at least for mine) hahz! both my dad and mom are nowhere near patronisers of storybooks though. wonder where i get that gene from. i love books that range from inspirational to fictional to fantasy and even to pictorial/creations and really don't mind sitting somewhere alone just pouring them and get lost in their world. must definitely cheong to the library again soon and read as much as i can fill my time before school starts. hahz... credit and tribute to the USSR reading programmes and book reviews i was forced to write in pri and sec schools that start me on a reading spree since then i guess?

couldn't put down a book which i borrowed for light reading. really enjoyed the lightness of tones and perspectives intermingled with the heavy settings and theme. it is definite a good read to keep your mind entertained for the afternoon, predictable yet not bland. excellent for a quick light enjoyable read. love it. revolves around the completion of tasks written on a list and life changing events that arise from small and almost insignificant happenings that we let slip by. :) read it! for fun. lots.

and... the next thing on my list will be... to...
borrow more books to read of course!!!

recently just completed (finally after super super super long), a game my best friend scripted for me on our friendship on my 21st birthday. its simply wonderful and cool. hahz i am the duck and obviously she's the cat. can't believe i finally finally get pass all the levels and cracked her code finally! hehe. really amazed at the game and the effort. love it lots. love my best friend lots too. friends forever and ever... try cracking the code (inscriptions on the wall) i really wonder where she came up with all these mann... beyond words. some stuff.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

come to think of it. there's only 1 thing i need and everything else can then solved. time. anyone would like to transfer me some?
if i really have a time bank account, it is probably always zero. if i really have a time-ial adviser i probably should get him/her sacked because i don't see much returns from my time investments at all. and i am really glad i can't get a loan for time because i don't really think i'll be able to pay back at any rate and if there is interests for time, i will probably be bankrupt. okay i really should stop eating into my zzz time. nite!

Friday, May 2, 2008

seeing only what we want to.
existence is but governed by faith and believe.

maintaining new friendships.
not too idealistic.

always believed the strength of friendship does not depend on the number of meet-ups. or outings. or even the amount of chatting. but the quality of time spent. quality of experience. quality of things and feelings shared.

confidence that it will last. trust even if might be betrayed. the willingness to spend time and effort to understand another person. has never been easy

and i am getting complacent.

partly because i am lucky and lazy and in some way, content with my present circle.

though it seems like you can get along with the whole world and people like you from their understanding of you are, you somehow don't think they are knowing the real you and neither are they any interested to know you more than you wish to know them. leave things be then.

thoughts going through my mind are exclusive to whoever i trust them with. i have no intention to find out what you are thinking and so you are not obliged to ask if you are not interested to know mine either.

we are all selective.

used to dislike highly sociable people who are almost able to talk to anyone anytime. somehow never really talked about my true thoughts and feelings with them. brushing off with moderates and sitting-on-the-fence. don't think they are truly interested to find out anyway. they just don't want silence. they just want to try to engage without truly engaging themselves.

what's the point? don't see it. but played along. didn't enjoy this. but don't think they knew. don't think they cared either. well. don't think i cared either.

we are all born with the ability to become beautiful social butterflies.

but i prefer the plain and simple caterpillar. and the leaf i'm on.

perhaps my expectation of friendship is too high
all my old friends' fault.
for setting high targets.

beginning to be... a little numb to people when they said they dislike X or Y or Z or find them totally negative or just plainly can't stand them. purely their problem. bring out your opinion that X or Y or Z seems ok and be sure to have the gap widen. or be labeled acting nice when you simply just feel neutral. so I've learn to laugh it off or just comment "really?", "i didn't realized/know" and etc. keep things simpler by being engaged but not involved. really don't want to be influenced by the unverified viewpoints.

but they probably don't care about my response either. they only want to have their viewpoints aired out period. and hopefully some people think the same way they do so they are not alone. and the discussion can continue.

a subconscious criteria i have for my circle is to not be gossipy. hahz. gotta be just. explains a lot. humble people always catch my attention too... especially those that know so much but are actually the quietest... who does not play only games which they are good in. the point of playing is to have fun and not to win admiration period. and they will win mine unknowingly.

but there's one type of game that i really dislike. those kind that you are supposed to tell who's telling the truth and lies. seriously i plainly don't like the idea of lying with eyes open and yet do it so naturally. perhaps i do have what it takes to lie. but subconsciously i never want to accept the information that this part of me can exist.

we are all born natural masqueraders.

its only whether we choose to accept this ability or not.

if one day,
i can really lie to others

i will probably be wondering if i can trust myself.

i think i will continue to suck at playing these games.

i hope so.

you've seen the real me? or so you think.
perhaps - or so i thought.