"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

... to me there is only one kind of love that is truly unconditional in this world. its the love our parents have for us.

other types of love will involve self-interests no matter what. our parents will love us no matter how we've changed and forgives us no matter how many times we might have hurt them. other types of relationship might turn sour as soon as one has changed or in some cases, when one refuses to. but no matter how we change, our parents still love us the way they do in the past. so i can safely say that our parents not only love the way we are, they also love the old us and the new us. so whenever i come across a book about how much a certain character loves the other i will be thinking whether the love will be as strong if in future that character changed for the worse and keeps hurting the other party.

if other kinds of love that can match our parent's love for us, maybe there wouldn't have been so much divorce, break-ups and so little of true "friends-forever" friendships.

maybe part of the reason is that we are all becoming increasingly self-centred and perhaps some of us are afraid getting too close to others as we are clearly aware that once we do so, we are more proned to getting hurt in the case of a mistrust. this may also be because we put a value to too many things in life, hence we have become overly concerned with our own interests, gainings and losings - in other words simply, we have learn to be over-calculative.

then again, maybe another reason why we don't want to get too close to another person may be because we are able to predict what might be the outcome if we do. i believe we usually have gone through certain considerations before we draw the circles of defence for friends that we have made... knowing that some of them are the safe ones whom we can share our most genuine feelings with. these considerations probably include the characters of our friends to a large extent, whether they are the ones who can be there for you and at the same time will not be over dependent on you or over independent such that their shoulders are strong enough for you to lean on and yours to them.

it may actually be tiring to either keep sharing your problems with a friend and never get to listen to your friend's problem because you might start to wonder if that person trusts you as much as you trust him/her. similarly it may equally be tiring if a friend doesn't know when to stop doing so... friendship might just strain if one party keeps thinking he/she is the unfortunate one and so you must always be there for him/her, listen to her problems and give in to him/her under the pretext of being "understanding and considerate" without knowing that sometimes he/she is the one who isn't.

maybe its best that people who wants their relationships to last knows how to manage and maintain a degree of independency and dependency. it also goes a lot to explain why funny(humorous) people tend to have more friends as they are able to lighthen lots of problems and reduce them into managable ones. (even though they might not be so in reality.)

Saturday, November 25, 2006

hmmm. when i was young i used to wonder if there's such a thing called "fairness" in the world. i am still wondering a lot about it now. cos it seems like everyone has been born into a different set of environment and since birth goes on quite far to determine what kind of person we grow up to be and the future, doesn't that reflect the old saying that our fate is sealed the day we are born?

then again there'll be this thing called education that provides everyone with equal chances to excel regardless of background. hmmm... sounds like the phrase doesn't work in our era anymore? not really. in poorer countries it still applies. in developed nations it works just as well. if you are born smart, a little hard work will take u to great distances, otherwise, you'll need plenty of hardwork to do so.

but some might say... as long as one is granted with equal opportunities, that will suffice. since there'll be this "the question should not be why haven't you been given a chance yet but rather are you really prepared for it if it comes."... watching "happy feet" seems to have started me on this train of thoughts... everyone has been born with different talents but not all sort of talent receives the same sort of "welcoming".

the pre-requisite to natural selection is the diversity within a population, but at the same time, nature only selects the strongest, the fittest that adapts best to changing environment. life is simple yet it requires complexity to remain so.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

...making a decision usually depends on logic + analysis + reasoning + understanding of + trust for the persons involved but i think the thing that plays the most important part is the feelings of the decision maker. that's why its not too easy to make a decision at all. its like involving lots of "u- know-u-should-do-what-but..." involved in it. but then again, ultimately the ease or difficulty of making any decision depends on the exent and scale of the effect it brings along.

and if a decision is dragged for too long, it might actually become quite stressing for the people directly or indirectly involved. maybe that's why some people prefers to have answers thrown straight back into their faces rather than waiting for it... haiz. making decision is one thing, how you go about delivering the choice you have made is another.

a decision can only be subjective or objective. but there's a saying which goes one man's apple is another's peach... so a decision which seems objective to some may be subjective to others. and so it relies quite a lot on the environment, time frame and circumstances in which it was made. just like certain decisions made now which sounds right to majority would have sounded wrong way back in the past.

maybe because we are all living in a greyer world, no more either black or white, so we are more accepting towards a lot of decisions and maybe thats why its harder to say exactly whether a decision is right or wrong.

Monday, November 20, 2006

is human nature good or evil? is the human will strong or weak? haiz. seems like the more you look for the answers the more questions you find. actually i think most of us like to simplify matters. but end up we usually complicate them. so, you see why we live in a much more complicated world than ever... the more we know, the more we know we don't know and the more we want to know what we don't know. haiz. complicated enough anyway.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

christmas seems to be just round the corner when there's still more than a month to go... thanks to all the christmas carols and hoilday-mood everyones' having. hehe. its nice to have such celebrations sometimes cos having holidays do cheer one up... especially when you are surrounded by loved ones and friends. even though there aren't any snow nor warm fireplace or chimneys here for santa to climb into... wahaha.... deck the halls with box of hollies ~ fa la la la la ~ la la la la! hehe

"true giving is the giving away of what you can't live without and not what you can live without"

Thursday, November 2, 2006

recently i discovered another paradox.

if time really can heal all wounds then why do some still feel hurt when they recall certain unpleasant things that happened to them in the past? incomplete healing or a scar? perhaps it may be true that as time goes by, we do not feel as intense the emotions we used to feel when the thing just happened to us. but the bottom line is that we probably can never forget those things that once managed to tug at our heartstrings no matter how long it takes.

life afterall, is just like a storybook with all our memories written down, regardless of their worth. that is why pages will either record some precious, treasured memories or be filled with melanchony ones. but without any particular one of them, the ending will be different, so will we.

its a sad thing sometimes when you realise that people only become stronger when they are made to go through the "downs" in life, sometimes unprepared and most of the time unwilling and it is almost always inevitable that, when they do, they are seldom found to laugh and play like a small kid anymore. their goals in life will change and so will their personality.

once, my friend told me that childishness is actually an act. maybe i would rather pretend to grow up and still be childish inside. ya. call me childish. afterall i still prefer to laugh and play like a small kid. wouldn't you too? :P

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

... are you watching closely? yes. the prestige. one of the most enjoyable movies i have ever watched. extremely engaging and to put it simply - worth the ticket price. something i took along with me after i left the theatre - the audience is fooled only because they want to be. they never truly wanted to find out what's happening behind all the tricks because there are too much impossibilities in this world.