"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


the alignment of three stars today.
for that brief moment, today.
strangely, today.

this was what the forecast said:
January 30, 2012
Beautiful energy is with you today for attracting who and what you want into your life, dear Pisces, with patience. There's no better time to "be yourself", as the very qualities that come naturally to you are exactly what others are looking for. You are attracting positive attention now. You won't go unnoticed!

so, surprisingly tonight, a newborn evening star offered me an 'out-of-the-way' lift home. for the longest time, i really did not expect him to do anything, though he does give me a somewhat different feeling from the others. we really kind of just met and it totally did not occur to me that this evening star would ask to exchange contact detail (not so soon at least), and then offered to give me a ride home?! yet, like the morning star, this evening star would be travelling a different path soon; a relatively shorter path nonetheless.

and i met the afternoon star! he simply flashed his a-bit-of-a-shy, brief, charming smile, and looked at me with his signature electrifying pair of eyes once again. and somehow the shirt he wore simply accentuates his killer stare. can't stand it. he absolutely said and did exactly nothing, using zero percent of his power and energy to mesmerise me to death within split second, unknowingly! what the schiezer?! really. seriously. i need kryptonite.

the morning star and i met unplanned on the bus again! we last met unexpectedly when we were going home and today it was in the morning! i finally realised the night before, that he was the one i first thought of messaging when i was feeling low over something that bothered me at work, and not another friend. and him being there, and those right words he said, made me realised just how much i'd miss having him around - his voice, his presence, his messages, and how much i had actually wished for him to stay a while longer in this part of my life. strange, its barely a few months. how can you simply get so used to someone you hung around with so infrequently? but you somehow just do. and how can he make me miss him like that and know nothing about it?

haix. so somehow, my life just all of a sudden became filled with rising stars that are either embarking on different meteor tracts altogether, or are simply far too blinding to approach. yet they all happened to cross my path today. what a strange day today is.


Sunday, January 15, 2012

finished a bar of chocolate
straightening out my thoughts
thought i'll get some light
but perhaps not tonight

i watched the birds fly and the sun went down
wondering about life
i scooped a handful of sand
and let them slip through my fingers so very slowly
i could still feel them at my fingertips

i noticed your eyes and were mesmerised
but emptiness sets in and i'm lost in the lullaby
we sailed through silence as we saw the moon rise
but the mystery will not unravel itself tonight, shh. it just won't

its not love yet but i still want to know
one day
if this is you,
if it is you.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

filled with moving emotions, the depth unseen.
feels so right beside him,
yet just what does he think?

who cares what the world thinks? aloofness!
its fine standing against the winds alone -
no matter if i do more, but it must be fair for the rest.
considerately stark with contrast,
charm he does not know, strength he does not see.
warms you like you're in front of a fireplace, only to send chills in a gale.
just how do i find him if he remains so hidden and confusing?

doesn't matter.

as march approaches, one end would be tied.
and as march leaves, the other one would too.

conclusions will be drawn, and this passing phase closed.
can't wait? can't bear?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

times when she wished she weren't a fish.
how can her heart just slipped away like that?
how can she lose her rein just like that, after she tried so hard to tighten it?
just like that.
how can she be blinded just by that few moments of connection,
which probably didn't mean anything to anyone except her?
if nothing has yet begun and she's already feeling this much, just what happens if anything really happens?
how can anyone understand the crazy and irrational intensity of the emotions she feel?
who can?
she'd all along been the one who laughs and cries with others, who can identify with and feel the emotions of others.
but who can truly feel and understand what she feels now and then tell her what to do?
and who can help wake her up and make her believe this isn't real?
sadist fish who can't help it. 
why can't things speed up so she wouldn't have time on her fin to dream?
why can't she just stop weaving little stories in her mind?
fish, why, so torn?
fish, why so sad?
fish, why so helpless?

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

stop giving me THAT stare.
i mean it.
i want to see you and i don't want to see you.
its getting on my nerves.
my defences were never strong to begin with.
so i need you to stop it.
its too penetrating.
that reaches-into-the-depths-of-my-soul kind of stare.
the common problem with your species.
and the downfall of mine.
i don't even know anything about you.
its already electrifying enough when you are around.
and fishes can only take that much.
especially when they already find you impressive enough.
go get yourself a wedding or attachment ring and wear it or something.
you will get me into deep shit if this continues.
and it doesn't help, you being so secretive and all.
i thought i was the level 10000.
now i can't read you.
what is this crap.

although through this all you probably wouldn't know anything.
but this fish here can still swim and hide somewhere -
the least they could do and the best they could manage.
you shall be non-existent from now on.
she will have to learn her control.

but what happens when there are just no place safe?
when you are just everywhere,
and that you shine even in that dim, quiet corner you'd always stay?

but its alright.
now i know.
you probably belong to Him.
not too surprising.
it's happened before.
i'd just have to get used to it.
and learn to close my eyes.
can't believe this.
a scorpion and a crab.
how many times must it be this way again?
would you prefer to be stung or pinched this time round, little fish -
without hard shells or venom, your only survival defense is your masked exterior,
which must remain undetectable to this practical world.
your little conjured world of fantasy have to end,
it has to stop today.
yet the day when a piscean stops dreaming is the day when she ceases to be one.
and the day when she stops having the conflicts within herself is the day when she lets herself go.
little fish, little fish,
what would you do?

Monday, January 2, 2012

how can someone own such a pair of deep-set eyes?
how can someone be so gentle, so meek, yet possess a strong spirit?
how can someone make her feel so light-hearted, just by being around her?
how can someone brighten her day just by calling her name?
there must be something more that she doesn't know,
something there that she must have missed,
something here that's blinding her - the wind, the stars, anything!
he must have belonged to someone somewhere.
or someone else must have caught his eyes somehow.
he can be anything but real, and nothing more but a dream.
he just cannot exist and things should stay this way.
how else is she to cope with him being so close by her side?
she needs to walk away.
she needs some cool and refreshing air to clear her head.
she needs to take a deep breath and stop smiling to herself like an idiot whenever he comes to her mind.
its time for her rational and practical mind to battle her irrational and idealistic thoughts.
its war time.
and most importantly, she needs to keep this to herself.