"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Thursday, March 15, 2007

poised between the high mountains and green pastures...

time does tell a lot of things... especially about people. in today's layered world, it seems rather hard to tell nice people apart from not-so-nice ones... especially when there are some rather good masqueraders. haiz. human relations can be such a wierd thing. someone may dislike another person yet both of them are seemingly nice to you. but still, a possible reason is probably you are either of no threat to either of them or that simply because there are no conflicts of interest between you and them.... which also mean to say if people were to face with choices, personal interest will still always come first.

ever thought of keeping things simple but it seems to be not as easy as its said. :(

...tend to admire humble people who are willing to share... those who are genuine in particular... they often give the feeling that they are truly knowledgeable and believe that what they know is limited even though in fact they are already know quite a lot as compared to others. they are so admirable particularly because they do not give others the feeling that they are the most smartest people because they know everything... hmmz. they just seem to be more worthy in their character i guess.

but sometimes materialistic pursuits or to judge by people appearance which are shallow and hollow acts in today's era seems to be so correct and a common thing to do... everything's simply superficial... doesn't the content worth more? then why are looks or beauty viewed as so terribly important? i simply don''t see the point and don't want to go with the flow. i still think that self affirmation is worth much more than others' recognition... just like the way i feel about people who judge by appearances... like they are not sincere at all with knowing you as a real friend based on who you truly are but rather your looks which will inevitably fade with time.

maybe that's why i never like to dress up, put on thick and unnatural stuff on my face and make myself uncomfortable and stiff. to me, feeling comfortable in my attire = feeling happy. if people really want to know you because of the unnatural you, isn't it torturous to keep up the pretence?! people who judge too easily and without understanding still seems a little shallow and narrow minded to me... hmmz. i guess this thinking of mine will remain with me. to me, i want to be the real comfortable me when i meet people. so that its either i don't make friends or i only make friends with those who like the way i am :)

Monday, March 12, 2007

in a wondering mode... especially after watching the pursuit of happyness... happiness can only be pursued but not really held in possession... fleeting... or so we'll treasure it even more? or so because what we cannot get will always be the best and what we'll always want or we simply can't sustain the feeling... because... it fades with time? i guess so, cos if it doesn't, then probably sadness will not too... then time will not heal anything then. get some and lose some i guess?

have been thinking much lately. lots. but haven't got the time to pen down my thoughts till now. perhaps our feelings are just somewhat like action potential graphs for sensory neurones? intensity does not sustain forever so that our nerve cells will not die of fatigue? so probably our minds and hearts are like that too... if we constantly feels something intense and strong all the time, we get tired and then we'll feel nothing unless a more major happening occurs. but its so tiring to feel a lot all the time as well as not feeling much most of the time... i will still choose to feel?

ever discussed with a friend... what will it feel like to be a flower in the wilderness, enjoying breeze, being surrounded by trees... at some point in time i did wish i was one, but only for a while... when i was having the kind of feeling where u suddenly feel like being 远离尘嚣 and be with nature kind of feeling... but i thought i would probably be sad without a mind to think, ability to feel and go where i want to anytime... but she had said we won't know because we're not flowers and we're using a human point of view.

true. but feelings are the most precious and unique to a human... though not always appreciated and sometimes bothering... but they are the source which gives life its meanings and purpose and then shapes our thinkings and perspectives...

ever felt that i particularly enjoyed talking to certain friends because our topics of interest were close... but also felt the difference in some when we all begin to pursue different things in life... a little sad but well... everyone is different from everyone else because of the choices they make. i never really go very close friends who are going for materialistic or branded pursuits and i guess it'll probably be ever so hard for me to... especially when most of the time i would feel so strongly that what we spend on should always be meaningful and what we earned for... when we should be sensible and think more for our parents.

i guess i am just so different from them. and maybe the whole point is i am not one who likes people who are not sensible and considerate or simply decides on things purely from their point of view like as if the world owes them everything and they owe the world nothing?! but sometimes it'll be hard to tell that all to a friend... though you know you should though she might not listen... there are just some friends whom you feel nice and comfy to hang around with but just not close enough to discuss lots of your own feelings and thoughts... and that does not vary proportionally with the number of years of friendship, but rather what you feel when u spend time them i guess?

you probably can spend a lifetime with a person without understanding his/her thoughts but i don't think spending extremely little time with another person will in any way help in understanding him/her as well? i guess it still depends more on the feeling you have for him/her. i guess i am rather fortunate that i have found a few who shares my thoughts and frequency so to speak? i am probably more into spending time talking and doing sports or nature related sports... rather similar to my 2 best friends :)

haiz... too much things going on my mind recently... need some time to consolidate and to prepare for some other stuff.... it's been a "thoughtful" day.