"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Monday, March 12, 2007

in a wondering mode... especially after watching the pursuit of happyness... happiness can only be pursued but not really held in possession... fleeting... or so we'll treasure it even more? or so because what we cannot get will always be the best and what we'll always want or we simply can't sustain the feeling... because... it fades with time? i guess so, cos if it doesn't, then probably sadness will not too... then time will not heal anything then. get some and lose some i guess?

have been thinking much lately. lots. but haven't got the time to pen down my thoughts till now. perhaps our feelings are just somewhat like action potential graphs for sensory neurones? intensity does not sustain forever so that our nerve cells will not die of fatigue? so probably our minds and hearts are like that too... if we constantly feels something intense and strong all the time, we get tired and then we'll feel nothing unless a more major happening occurs. but its so tiring to feel a lot all the time as well as not feeling much most of the time... i will still choose to feel?

ever discussed with a friend... what will it feel like to be a flower in the wilderness, enjoying breeze, being surrounded by trees... at some point in time i did wish i was one, but only for a while... when i was having the kind of feeling where u suddenly feel like being 远离尘嚣 and be with nature kind of feeling... but i thought i would probably be sad without a mind to think, ability to feel and go where i want to anytime... but she had said we won't know because we're not flowers and we're using a human point of view.

true. but feelings are the most precious and unique to a human... though not always appreciated and sometimes bothering... but they are the source which gives life its meanings and purpose and then shapes our thinkings and perspectives...

ever felt that i particularly enjoyed talking to certain friends because our topics of interest were close... but also felt the difference in some when we all begin to pursue different things in life... a little sad but well... everyone is different from everyone else because of the choices they make. i never really go very close friends who are going for materialistic or branded pursuits and i guess it'll probably be ever so hard for me to... especially when most of the time i would feel so strongly that what we spend on should always be meaningful and what we earned for... when we should be sensible and think more for our parents.

i guess i am just so different from them. and maybe the whole point is i am not one who likes people who are not sensible and considerate or simply decides on things purely from their point of view like as if the world owes them everything and they owe the world nothing?! but sometimes it'll be hard to tell that all to a friend... though you know you should though she might not listen... there are just some friends whom you feel nice and comfy to hang around with but just not close enough to discuss lots of your own feelings and thoughts... and that does not vary proportionally with the number of years of friendship, but rather what you feel when u spend time them i guess?

you probably can spend a lifetime with a person without understanding his/her thoughts but i don't think spending extremely little time with another person will in any way help in understanding him/her as well? i guess it still depends more on the feeling you have for him/her. i guess i am rather fortunate that i have found a few who shares my thoughts and frequency so to speak? i am probably more into spending time talking and doing sports or nature related sports... rather similar to my 2 best friends :)

haiz... too much things going on my mind recently... need some time to consolidate and to prepare for some other stuff.... it's been a "thoughtful" day.