"i'll like a drop of rainwater refracting light...
and a dash of illumination across the endless dark too."

Monday, July 30, 2007

things seem so much easier for people to work together when there's a common goal or belief in general... something that we all share or even do. it also help to have a group of enthusiasts to liven up the surrounding spirits :)

people can take very different views too... i just realise not everyone sees "communication" the way i do. i always thought it meant talking whatever things that you feel like talking about? as in like heartfelt rather than formulated speech?! but i was amazed when my friend managed to give me a lesson (practically) on the art of communication as in she even gave me scenarios-based questions so i can practice on how to start topics related to it? dunno to laugh or applaud her. but i gotta say she's generally real chatt-able person.

somehow still find it easier to talk in general to girls than guys for me.... i guess probably guys brains simply work very different from mine? or i think maybe cos i dun have any older brothers to talk to since young? like you just dunno what topics to talk about?! catch no waves lah.... and girls' signals are so much easier to catch since i send them myself? haha. oh well. maybe just haven't talked enough to guys to feel comfortable with chatting with them yet? my friend kept saying just treat them as girls when you are talking to them... so i am going to try it next time. hee.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

wanted to prove that certain things can be maintained but... well. i guess just gotta agree that it seems like nowadays friendships that are able to last truly needs to be forged based on lots of common experiences and formed over long periods of time and communicating. oh well. now i know better. :) its tiring for one side to keep taking the initiative... i really admire long distance relationships that are able to last, really. :)

Saturday, July 21, 2007

oh well. seems like i just can't start or fit into certain conversations... particularly those that most girls like to talk about. frequency just seem different. but never seem to have the problem with my close friends though... maybe that's why we are close.

feels that true equality treatment is really really rare and people are always judging by appearances. know that it is inevitable but just dun like that gan3 jue2. dun supposed i will have any friends who are err. too gentle. haha. i am probably the kind who dares to play all the way and err even if it means getting soaked in mud... wonders if my character is really suitable for a girl sometimes. lol. my grandma used to tell me that my character is so much more like a boy... prob because i am more "outdoor and sporty and fun loving" as compared to my other female cousins... who prefers shopping in air-con places in which err i dun really fancy really.

used to think that as long as there is a common enemy or a gossip topic, it will be easier for certain girls or maybe most girls to "bond" and i supposed that is rather true but not this way for me. i seriously dun like this idea at all. if you dun like that person then just keep it to urself and dun affect others' opinions of him/her lah. like i mean all of us are not perfect anyways.

i also find that it is not difficult for me to fit into different or new groups but just that i am only truly comfortable with around people who thinks more of the common positive topics and criticise/zhen1 dui4 others less. like... ask me how i feel about so-and-so whom i really dun like and i will prob just say we are of different frequency.

i very much prefer groups that are based on maybe the common goal of winning, playing games with our very best all the way and then is able to chat with everyone and anyone and not just stick to their own groups in camps esp... can't you just mix around and know each other better?! thank goodness i already have a bunch of such friends around me. cos i really dun like to be judged, judge or see others being judged when whatever we know is only so little and not the full story.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

live by the moment or let days pass us by? have the feeling that once we start working, we will lose most of our fun and relaxing time. so... for now, must try to gather as much as we can the playful and fun memories while we are still in school. afterall everyone keeps saying most mistakes are being forgiven when we are "young"... and being not-so-grown-up, we have the special right to do certain silly and lame things... (but of course not terribly evil kinds)... maybe a couple that are a little cheeky ones?... those kind where when you are older and then one fine day decides to look back, then can't believe you did such a thing - and - laugh.

felt like i can go on being this childish for the next few years, and i think i'll eventually be. :P a part of me wish to start school soon. a part of me hesitates. there are some memories that are especially worth reminiscing. two people might have gone through that same memory together but the value and importance of the memory might afterall be rather different.

how far should you go to create your own opportunities if you are someone who believes in serendipity? *winks.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

... suddenly feel like feelings are so fleeting and transient. you are thinking of someone for a very long while and all of a sudden some events just happen and then you suddenly realize you don't miss that person as much or think about him/her as often anymore. is our feelings really trust-able? interesting. wonder if whatever i am feeling now is fleeting too?!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

i guess now i know better, though the heart still hopes. standing at the cross roads is not the best feeling on earth. perhaps it was only me from the start till now who was all along thinking in the wrong direction. maybe its time to really let the feelings subside. maybe they were not there in the first place. mind - what a beautiful thing. beautiful but hard to fathom. heart - wondrous yet fragile.
dun like playing guessing game. dun like thinking too much. dun like feeling for something i am not even sure about myself. dun like the feeling of missing someone when i dun even know if that person is missing me as much. dun like to be kept in suspense. dun like to feel uncertain. argh - dun like you :(

like to play like a kid at the playground. like to dance as if no one is watching. like to be among friends who are as childish as i am. like to be me and not pretending to be someone i am not ready to be. like the spinning skies. like the "shooting" stars. like to be with my 2 bestest friends! :D like tonight.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

天为何总要黑 爱为何变忌讳

说无所谓启不是启不是 太虚伪太可悲

给我最后温柔 抱在胸口
假装不必放手 还有以后

给你最后温柔 你的自由
只要你回头 依然觉得有想我的理由

只要你回头 会承认我们不止是朋友