be reasonable. because this is not an excuse.

recently fish is simply tired of trying to discuss things peacefully and amiably, tired of her constantly listening attitude and never-being-heard moments. she is tired of people's rude and disrespecting attitudes and detests getting into "self-assumed conversations" with those who only wanted themselves to be heard. she even lost track of the number of times when she felt like ending such "conversations" there and then, the countless times where she just wanted to tell these people: hey, you might as well just go talk to a mirror or a wall, since they would be ever patiently listening, and never give their opinions in exchange at all, and guess what? you simply don't have to talk to me you know? what we are having here is a one-sided conversation, so why not let's simply end it earlier.

people like to use 'excuses' to convince others, and 'reasons' to convince oneself.
yet essentially, excuses and reasons are all but subjective, defined differently by different people.

nonetheless, at the end of the day, all of us just want to be in a good light, appear responsible, that "we had no other choice" and blameless. fish personally feels however, that this should be left for others to decide for themselves, and not using one's utmost efforts to carefully select certain information to portray oneself in a nice light. for if these people are reasonable, they would neither judge nor be easily taken over by one's incessant insistence. they would be objective in their observations and not see through clouded spectacles. and if they are unreasonable, then to fish, their opinion simply does not matter one bit, period.

"i had no choice since everyone else is doing that." personally, fish firmly and strongly believes and classifies this as an excuse. if you truly detest what others are doing, and allow your very self to do the very same thing unto others, then stop trying so hard to give an excuse so as to see yourself in the light you want. you are but one of them, period.

here's something fish can never stand. overly self-absorbed in "being right" attitude and refusal to hear what others have to say before one gives his or her own judgement. if one firmly believes one is right, then shouldn't he or she have even more patience, composure and grace to hear what the other party has to say first, before incessantly insisting that one's argument is faultless? wouldn't it be easier to convince the others if you first understand the thinking trend they got themselves into and then steer them thereafter?

IT IS OUTRIGHT IRRITATING when fish waits for the person to finish saying what he or she is trying to say and then tries to tell him or her what she thinks and then the person just cuts in before fish finishes, or worse, doesn't even try feebly to let her begin her points. for even the most aggressive debating competitions allow both parties the right to speak, hence to fish, this is outright inconsiderate, rude and uncivilised. and she automatically places that person under her category of "people whom she'll never strike a sincere conversation with or talk to, on her own accord if she has a choice".

to fish, the logic, value and purpose of a conversation is this: she enjoys knowing your opinions, trend of thoughts and feelings on certain matter, and she is hoping to open herself to more views and perspectives which might never have occurred to her before, but at the same time as she is learning all these, if you don't even try feebly to listen, then it is to be considered that a fair exchange of ideas has never taken place, for it is simply a presentation by a presenter, but never a conversation. the soul and heart of a conversation lies in its engagement of the minds, thoughts and ideas of BOTH parties, as it is the case for hands to clap.

upon the shattered mirror her long intent stare.
her depth of soul, the abyss!
darkness creeps.

wants and desires, devoid of taste!

how long her gaze, in or out?
sad was her gaze, in and out.

her wait, her aches, her confusion.
her weary, cheerful looks.
she tiptoed on her shining silver dancing shoes.
watch her silent dance on edges of the green grass patch,
from faraway, somewhere faraway...


she will be alright,
she will be alright.

tell her you weren't seeing,
tell her you know not.
she is too tired for thy worried looks and the weathered grounds.

free her, let her go.
thy hand must not hold back what thy can never grasp.
to nowhere, she belongs,
to nowhere she must go.


she will be alright,
she will be alright.

according to wikipedia, friendship is defined as the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves MUTUAL knowledge, self-esteem, affection and respect, along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behaviour, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviours. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.

fish wonders... can two people with different ideals of friendship truly be friends? if one's expectation for a friend is to only understand what he or she feels but not interested to listen or even try to understand that friend of his or hers, can this essentially be termed friendship to begin with? if one defines friendship as you share my joy but i am not interested to share yours, wouldn't that someone be better off with a diary or journal book? when one does not even try to make an equal effort on his or her side, is this a balanced friendship?

everyone needs friend, but how much is one willing to give of thyself to whom you call a friend at the end of the day? fish has high expectations for that aspect. selfish fish in a way perhaps, but idealistic. if at the end of the day, fish does not enjoy being around selfish and self-centered people the tiniest bit, does this make fish one of them too? yet all fish looks for, is the willingness to try, on both sides. that's what she calls friendship.

a truly idealistic love story is one that should never happen in real life.

then there's an aspect which i begun to think about... that when one loves another, one is essentially only loving that person in his/her mind. the projection which one has made of the other person based on their past memories shared or, the imagined possibilites to be shared with that person. i.e. no one actually love another person for who that person really is - one only love that person for who one thinks he/she is... when the image fits in with one's hidden or sub-conscious idealism, voila! love sparks fly. this itself is explained in the theory that without love, there will be no disappointment.

see, disappointment only arises if one has expectations of another in the first place. if you truly love another person no matter who he or she is, then why would one have any expectations of him/her in the first place? it is because one is in love with one's imagination of that person, that's why disappointment occurs. one is disappointed at the fact that love, however idealistic one wishes it to be, is still grounded in reality.

the only mysterious component in love is the ability to feel deeper and more intense the emotions of that someone. without this empathising ability in one, there would hardly be any love to speak of. perhaps, we love so as to minimise the other negative emotions that arise if we did not love. so essentially we love others because we love ourselves, no? we make choices that might hurt us so people we love might be happy, and we call this sacrifice. but could it also be that if we did not make these choices, we are still hurt by the fact that people whom we truly love will not be happy? thus, "irrational" decisions we make can also be logical in this way.

complications in love only come in when we happen to love more than one person, presenting us with some conflicting choices to make. complications also arise when infinite future possibilities are projected differently between different people, of different people. see why loving a person who is unformed, like a child is so much easier as compared to loving someone who is fixed and formed and vastly different from what we hope he/she would have been like.

as long as one feels the depth of another's joy and pain beyond his/her comprehension, one is already in love.

cruel temptation

 

watched till the last episode. love it. nice soap opera. like the story. like the different characters and the way each of them go about making their choices... those seemingly straightforward/right ones, or those which one can't really tell till the very last moment. honestly surprised at the ending. felt a little ??! + cheated. nonetheless, still like the way each character metamorphosised.

 salute the lady scriptwriter. despite her slight dragginess at certain instances, and some far-fetched coincidences and timings, the whole production remains a fairly decent one. like the way she weaves the whole story, linking up signicficant places and her final knit-up of the complicated relations among the three families in a reasonably neat way. kudos to kim suh hyung, for an outstanding shin-ae-ri portrayed and jang seo hee, for all the tears she shed in all of the whole 129 episodes.

thought about the show a bit after finishing it... if the theory in this show is that love is something which one can neither make it happen nor work hard for it, yet one also can't ignore it, then what exactly is one supposed to do about it? isn't it somewhat irritating to find that its essentially something which one can do nothing to it or about it, and yet at the same time one also can't pretend it did not happen?

it appears that no matter whether one holds onto love tightly, or try to let it go, both seemed equally painful. so then what should one do in the end? then there is also the issue of looking at the big picture... if love is about two persons and the two persons only, then why should others be in the picture of consideration too? another confusing aspect of love. random, but i guess Jung Soo Bin would still be the character i like most - clear-headed and in control.

if love taken to both extremes meant unhappiness, one who is wise should perhaps then take it to nowhere.

her teary eyes that eternity dried,
lady in the painting, now none know.
broken, shattered and lifeless.
shaken echoes from beneath the ground.
weeping chain and a sorrow-filled lock,

all was lost behind that single lifeless door.

where the broken chains resided,
invisible shackles now lie.
marks of trappings,
bound by freedom.

faith is the gift i want most.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

off through the fluffy clouds on this queer little day,
floated our little water faerie, to somewhere faraway...

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

she had landed on this bandwagon;

she was thrusted into a folklore!

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

some humming she did, of a rather distant tune,
to the cheery sweet bird's gay little song.

  "da la da la da... la da la da dup!"

... bring her a harp and a lyre, with some cymbals and a clap!

let her swirl round the merry fire, aflame with life.

let her whistle a tune to the beautiful fireflies,
and then hold your breath, and watch how they dance!

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

on the tallest tree's thinest branch, went three cheeky squirrels

scurriedly flashing their secretive smiles
despite their ticking pocket watches.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

take a stroll down the moonlit path,

scented with moments of faint lingering nostalgia.

da la da la da... la da la da dup.

look, into the endless darkness,

to find hope humbly and dazzlingly sprinkled,

across the long lost universe.

da la da la da... la da la da dup!

just as dawn and dust must break once more,
into the abyss of sweet dreams, one by one falls.

da... la... di... ... la... ... dup.

a lot and nothing.
alot and nothing.
hollowed emptiness.

can you hear the water dripping?

one, two, three and four.

silence.
darkness.
breathe.

no air.

one, two, three and four.
one, two, three and four.

one, two, three and four.

one.
the one i missed.
and now there's nothing left to say.
right.

you can't hear me.
you never will.

what defines the boundary where the little stream reaches the sea? and when the sea reaches the oceans?

why do some explanations appear to explain, yet they fail to provide you with comprehensible answers?
why can't people stop asking themselves questions to which they find no answers to?
why can't human minds be quietened with answers that cannot be further derived?
because natural selection worked against it?

why do logics contradict? is this even logical?

the line. that most do not see.
human choices are the variables.
the path untaken... the other reality, will things truly be better?
constancy. what's your constancy in this dimension? what's mine?

a seemingly simple hypothesis for a complex situation - which gets nowhere, apparently.
but only the ocean flows to the sea, and the sea the streams.

fish needs a rest.

"you really don't understand, do you?"

 

"i don't want whatever i want. nobody does. not really. what kind of fun would it be if i just got everything i ever wanted? just like that, and it didn't mean anything. what then?"

coraline coraline.

fish is currently permanent-ly immersing herself in the songs by this David Cook guy... the time of her life. she does not lie,  and her declaration - she did it for you.

Come back to me when you've had enough of  life on the moon.

a simple quest by a simple fish,
the deflation of the bubble inflater.

 

bubble of the fish,
what gentle, serene grin.

little fish gets hooked on criminal minds!!!

little fish really really loves the effort put into the scripting of each episode of criminal minds; from the story plot to characters' development, to those really nice quotes which pop up just before or after each episode, that never fail to linger on in her little mind for a little while... and not forgetting those really nice songs that helps her feel the emotions embedded within each character.

one of the songs which fish enjoyed blooping:

my side of the story... by hodges

one of the quotes which fish enjoyed bubbling:

"no matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." 

~ terry pratchett

on light and darkness. 

who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?  

~maurice freehill

testing one's true acceptance. what is your strength to accept the world you'll never be perfectly ready for? when the fight involves you against your very self, your emotions, your thoughts and your pride, and when it seems you've gone too far in to turn back to the blinding light and yet you know that the path when continued on, leads to darker darkness?


for every single thing one is given in perfection, life, health and the ability to change, one ought to give thanks twice - for one did nothing to earn it. yet, the thankfulness of some is transient, inwards, repressed and even contradicting. when one feels its below one's dignity to thank, then perhaps the dignity which one had in the first place is limited.

one can perhaps run away from almost everything; things that one dislike, things that bring strong negative emotions of fear and hurt, but one can never run away from oneself. if one does not start somewhere, then one does not start anywhere. strength and courage never came before the first step. it comes as one goes along. strength from within can only be released if one made that decision to take on the hardships attached to the option chosen.

as often as one looks for things to desire and hold on to, the list will be unending. yet, even if one posses such a list, spend all their time looking for enjoyment and pleasures, life can still be as hollow as it has always been. one has missed the point of living.

life is what you make of it. if you find yourself disliking most things, then perhaps you should relook on the amount of effort you subconciously spend on looking for more things to displease yourself, just so you can comment to others about your displeasure. Correspondingly, if one had all along focused on every single thing to be thankful for, and finding beauty in all that one is given, happiness just seem ceaseless.

only you have the power to decide to cross that line within yourself to the site where happiness resides. happiness just does not happen without any internal struggles; realise that all that stops one from being happy is essentially one's own heart.

l i f e. celebrate it! let it reveal its wonders to you slowly, movingly.

this day, water faerie decided to do some pondering about life and the diversity it encompasees. seems that there are more differences than similarities... quite a bit of which that do not make sense to her. there is still much to learn, she realised.

if one day, however, when she does gets it, she probably got it because she believed in such a one day in the first place. there are certain things that do not need to be forgotten, neither do they need to be traced all the way to the origin for an explanation. they just needed to be revealed in time. they simply required one's patience.


some try so hard to find something, anything other than their own decision to account for why certain things did not come out right, while some blame themselves too hard.

some judge one's rejection or acceptance of certain stuff by the immediate expression as a result of one's emotions felt. yet somehow little faerie is beginning to see that emotions should never be the limit. One always have the option to learn to accept, and with the decision to try, comes strength and fortitude. that single first step. the many first steps, in life.

little water faerie ever met this wise lady on this hot day, and all this lady ever did was to keep her eyes closed, be still, and feel the breeze surrounding her. to grasp something invisible requires wisdom, but the wisest need not grasp everything before he or she chooses to accept. the wise lady simply appreciated and enjoyed the breeze that was there but was not felt by most.

s t o r y . o f . a . s a d . b l u e . b i r d .

for what mystical and enchanented blue glass,
my wings now ceased to flutter.
bury me in the soil of my beloved land,
one which i should never have left.

courage of a fool,
now paid back in full.
sadness of samson.
for a delilah who would never return his love.

.t.h.a.n.k.f.u.l. .f.i.s.h.


when one is thankful,
one is contented.
when one tries to find beauty in whatever world he/she lives in,
one finds happiness.

when one tries too hard to feel envious of others' world,
one will never be satisfied.

happy are those who have not lost anyone, and yet realised how much they actually love them.
happy are those who cherish everyone around them, regardless of importance.
happy are those who know how to be thankful.

My side of the story (by hodges)

Cold wind blows, I am shivering
My body aches, my heart is breaking
Why is life making me hollow?

Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?

In the shadows

Hold on

Don't turn and walk away
Save me
I cried these words but nobody came

I'm all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear
My side of the story

Emptiness it’s all around me
I try to catch my breath
Barely surviving
I can't go on and I come undone
There's nothing left in me

Hold on
Don't turn and walk away
Save me
I cried these words but nobody came

I'm all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear
My side of the story

As I fall down
As I fall in
I cried these words but nobody came

I’m all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only My burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear

My side of the story.

this day, little fish was suddenly inspired by the tale of the sleeping beauty and decides to hum a hymn to herself in her little bubble...

i woke up from my sleep to find
half a century gone in a wink.
i lost track of the times where i'd dreamt
of opening my eyes and looking into yours
had your lingering kiss forgotten,
the emptiness it left behind?

wanted to look for you instead
tried to fight the spell but can't break it.
did you happen to hear my cry?
tired from my sleep and too tired of dreaming,
was i simply waiting cos its you
or there's nothing left for me to do?

five hundred years in the castle
with all the fears that had dried my tears
the destined one to revive me,
the spell is hard, i tried and i couldn't lift it
dear, why are you so faraway still?
ride a little faster, for my sake

the day you shall arrive sweet prince,
watch me sleep and kiss me just once more
this kiss was all i waited for
lift me from all my lonely dreams and still sorrow
kiss me nightly before we part
till the very day i fail to wake

let not you heart be filled with pain
on that very day, rememeber this-
that it was me who loved you long
before we met and dreamt of you since, and now,
its your turn to dream of me and,
this time i shall find you in your dream

a leaf off an old old diary book...

 

this very day, little water faerie was amazed at herself by herself. she smiled a few times (to herself) when she flipped through some rather yellowish and tattered pages of her little hidden enchanted diary, she smiled at how some of her own recollections had become so faint she almost wonder was that the same her who wrote the entries some time ago and yet, they still managed to bring back some fond memories when she read on.

she sniggered as she came to the realization that she had misdated and mispelled some words in a couple of her little adventures and thoughts' entries... like how she thought her diary (who is about to turn 3 in a couple or more days) was born on the 26th instead of the allegedly 24th october 2006 (opps!) and how she used to think some things were "wierd" and now most things are still, "weird".

oh wells... but all in all, she's still rather pleased with her ability to self entertain and be self-entertained... all these while as she sat peacefully on the grass, leaned quietly on a huge oak tree and thought, what a weird, autistic and mildly proud little water faerie she was.