"you really don't understand, do you?"

 

"i don't want whatever i want. nobody does. not really. what kind of fun would it be if i just got everything i ever wanted? just like that, and it didn't mean anything. what then?"

coraline coraline.

fish is currently permanent-ly immersing herself in the songs by this David Cook guy... the time of her life. she does not lie,  and her declaration - she did it for you.

Come back to me when you've had enough of  life on the moon.

a simple quest by a simple fish,
the deflation of the bubble inflater.

 

bubble of the fish,
what gentle, serene grin.

little fish gets hooked on criminal minds!!!

little fish really really loves the effort put into the scripting of each episode of criminal minds; from the story plot to characters' development, to those really nice quotes which pop up just before or after each episode, that never fail to linger on in her little mind for a little while... and not forgetting those really nice songs that helps her feel the emotions embedded within each character.

one of the songs which fish enjoyed blooping:

my side of the story... by hodges

one of the quotes which fish enjoyed bubbling:

"no matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." 

~ terry pratchett

on light and darkness. 

who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?  

~maurice freehill

testing one's true acceptance. what is your strength to accept the world you'll never be perfectly ready for? when the fight involves you against your very self, your emotions, your thoughts and your pride, and when it seems you've gone too far in to turn back to the blinding light and yet you know that the path when continued on, leads to darker darkness?


for every single thing one is given in perfection, life, health and the ability to change, one ought to give thanks twice - for one did nothing to earn it. yet, the thankfulness of some is transient, inwards, repressed and even contradicting. when one feels its below one's dignity to thank, then perhaps the dignity which one had in the first place is limited.

one can perhaps run away from almost everything; things that one dislike, things that bring strong negative emotions of fear and hurt, but one can never run away from oneself. if one does not start somewhere, then one does not start anywhere. strength and courage never came before the first step. it comes as one goes along. strength from within can only be released if one made that decision to take on the hardships attached to the option chosen.

as often as one looks for things to desire and hold on to, the list will be unending. yet, even if one posses such a list, spend all their time looking for enjoyment and pleasures, life can still be as hollow as it has always been. one has missed the point of living.

life is what you make of it. if you find yourself disliking most things, then perhaps you should relook on the amount of effort you subconciously spend on looking for more things to displease yourself, just so you can comment to others about your displeasure. Correspondingly, if one had all along focused on every single thing to be thankful for, and finding beauty in all that one is given, happiness just seem ceaseless.

only you have the power to decide to cross that line within yourself to the site where happiness resides. happiness just does not happen without any internal struggles; realise that all that stops one from being happy is essentially one's own heart.

l i f e. celebrate it! let it reveal its wonders to you slowly, movingly.

this day, water faerie decided to do some pondering about life and the diversity it encompasees. seems that there are more differences than similarities... quite a bit of which that do not make sense to her. there is still much to learn, she realised.

if one day, however, when she does gets it, she probably got it because she believed in such a one day in the first place. there are certain things that do not need to be forgotten, neither do they need to be traced all the way to the origin for an explanation. they just needed to be revealed in time. they simply required one's patience.


some try so hard to find something, anything other than their own decision to account for why certain things did not come out right, while some blame themselves too hard.

some judge one's rejection or acceptance of certain stuff by the immediate expression as a result of one's emotions felt. yet somehow little faerie is beginning to see that emotions should never be the limit. One always have the option to learn to accept, and with the decision to try, comes strength and fortitude. that single first step. the many first steps, in life.

little water faerie ever met this wise lady on this hot day, and all this lady ever did was to keep her eyes closed, be still, and feel the breeze surrounding her. to grasp something invisible requires wisdom, but the wisest need not grasp everything before he or she chooses to accept. the wise lady simply appreciated and enjoyed the breeze that was there but was not felt by most.

s t o r y . o f . a . s a d . b l u e . b i r d .

for what mystical and enchanented blue glass,
my wings now ceased to flutter.
bury me in the soil of my beloved land,
one which i should never have left.

courage of a fool,
now paid back in full.
sadness of samson.
for a delilah who would never return his love.

.t.h.a.n.k.f.u.l. .f.i.s.h.


when one is thankful,
one is contented.
when one tries to find beauty in whatever world he/she lives in,
one finds happiness.

when one tries too hard to feel envious of others' world,
one will never be satisfied.

happy are those who have not lost anyone, and yet realised how much they actually love them.
happy are those who cherish everyone around them, regardless of importance.
happy are those who know how to be thankful.

My side of the story (by hodges)

Cold wind blows, I am shivering
My body aches, my heart is breaking
Why is life making me hollow?

Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?

In the shadows

Hold on

Don't turn and walk away
Save me
I cried these words but nobody came

I'm all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear
My side of the story

Emptiness it’s all around me
I try to catch my breath
Barely surviving
I can't go on and I come undone
There's nothing left in me

Hold on
Don't turn and walk away
Save me
I cried these words but nobody came

I'm all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear
My side of the story

As I fall down
As I fall in
I cried these words but nobody came

I’m all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only My burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobody’s there, no one will hear

My side of the story.

this day, little fish was suddenly inspired by the tale of the sleeping beauty and decides to hum a hymn to herself in her little bubble...

i woke up from my sleep to find
half a century gone in a wink.
i lost track of the times where i'd dreamt
of opening my eyes and looking into yours
had your lingering kiss forgotten,
the emptiness it left behind?

wanted to look for you instead
tried to fight the spell but can't break it.
did you happen to hear my cry?
tired from my sleep and too tired of dreaming,
was i simply waiting cos its you
or there's nothing left for me to do?

five hundred years in the castle
with all the fears that had dried my tears
the destined one to revive me,
the spell is hard, i tried and i couldn't lift it
dear, why are you so faraway still?
ride a little faster, for my sake

the day you shall arrive sweet prince,
watch me sleep and kiss me just once more
this kiss was all i waited for
lift me from all my lonely dreams and still sorrow
kiss me nightly before we part
till the very day i fail to wake

let not you heart be filled with pain
on that very day, rememeber this-
that it was me who loved you long
before we met and dreamt of you since, and now,
its your turn to dream of me and,
this time i shall find you in your dream

a leaf off an old old diary book...

 

this very day, little water faerie was amazed at herself by herself. she smiled a few times (to herself) when she flipped through some rather yellowish and tattered pages of her little hidden enchanted diary, she smiled at how some of her own recollections had become so faint she almost wonder was that the same her who wrote the entries some time ago and yet, they still managed to bring back some fond memories when she read on.

she sniggered as she came to the realization that she had misdated and mispelled some words in a couple of her little adventures and thoughts' entries... like how she thought her diary (who is about to turn 3 in a couple or more days) was born on the 26th instead of the allegedly 24th october 2006 (opps!) and how she used to think some things were "wierd" and now most things are still, "weird".

oh wells... but all in all, she's still rather pleased with her ability to self entertain and be self-entertained... all these while as she sat peacefully on the grass, leaned quietly on a huge oak tree and thought, what a weird, autistic and mildly proud little water faerie she was.

on matters of style, swim with the currents.
on matters of principles, stand like the rocks.

fall slid quietly across winter's frozen lake,
amidst the very breath of mid-autumn's very air,

shone the brilliance of the summer t'was not too long ago,
when spring blossomed into the newly formed earth, the

mingling aspects of the theory of constancy and,

the unacceptability of newness,

detachment of unsettling doubts,

and unsettling the attachments,

the way a knot would bind, hold or trap.

just the other day, i swam down the avenue of emotions,

with you by my side.

you by my side.

music and the sea, we're like mozart and the whale,

mozart and the whale,

mozart and the whale.

apple of my eye in a fairly bright green fashion.

(but you're not an apple!)

no, you are but a fruit filled with passion,

in that rather simple a way.

stay this sparkling, stay this green.

dear apple tree,

my dear dear passion fruit tree,

for me.

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

appreciate yet not seek,

for she'll only wait,

for one who reaches her soul,

however far.

gently, patiently closing eyes,

you'll never find her

unless she shows you how

but you'll never know,

for so deep within the forest, she had sat.

gaze not on beauty too much,
lest it blind thee;
nor too near,
lest it burn thee.
if thou like it, it receives thee;
if thou love it, it disturbs thee, -
if thou hunt after it, it destroys thee.

- francis quarles

to see the unseen and to forget the seen
to hear the unheard and to forget the heard
to forget what you know and to know with your heart,
this too shall pass.

my side of the story is my love will bring you home.

once upon a time, a fish swam in the quiet waters down south,
there in the north, a cat strolled along a quiet path.
somewhere along, this fish misses that cat. so much.
somewhere within, this fish knows, that the cat probably misses her this much too.

same moon, same stars, different skies.
same sea, same horizon, different shores.
same heart, same thoughts, however far.

a golden drop, from the sun's very golden ray.
an autumn leaf, carried by the wind's very breath.

thou will knowest. i know.

the greatest wisdom of all is to realise the insignificance of man.

recently decided to listen to a song recommended by my friend... the show by lenka

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC76b0VZQog)

found rather inspiring and love the idea of 'life' and 'love' being portrayed as a 'show'.

what a really nice perspective to take on in life, to take everything life brings to you like how you would watch a show... a concept that makes you embrace moments that are rather heavy-hearted with a graceful smile because you get a chance to learn how to move on.

some point in time i believe everyone will eventually reach this point and once they do, that's when the frequency of happy moments increases and wisdom more significant.

guess from long ago ages, man had always been relentlessly seeking life's very wisdom...

a sioux prayer from native american legend...

Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds

Whose breath gives life to the world, hear me

I come to you as one of your many children

I am small and weak

I need your strength and wisdom

May I walk in beauty

Make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made

And my ears sharp to your voice.

Make me wise so that I may know the things you have taught your children.
The lessons you have written in every leaf and rock

Make me strong!

Not to be superior to my brothers, but to fight my greatest enemy....myself
Make me ever ready to come to you with straight eyes,

So that when life fades as the fading sunset,

May my spirit come to you without shame.

bound, by warmth or by baggage?
be freed. the most powerful words you can ever say to yourself.
with grace, give your best smile.

why are things slipping away?
why is the world slipping away?
had i loosen my grip unknowingly?

then why am i slipping away too?
refusal to see any picture.
no big picture, no balance points.

turn away before your heart breaks
walk away, before you no longer smile
use all your energy to wait,
all for a better tomorrow.

often times, the one who can blindfold you for the slightest and briefest moment without you noticing are those who may really not be that simple.

between the boundaries of thinking too much and over-estimating another, there exists a thin line afterall.

the ability to make another feel the possibility of the non-existential sides so very subtly definitely requires skill from one and slightly unthorough thinking on another's part.

relating to another and communicating yourself successfully - an art? a gift? from one's heart or, something slightly darker?