stranger-than-random rumblings-in-a-bubble entry

if only all watches stay un-waterproof, then fish would never be bothered by the notion of time her little ocean. yet one day some genius just had to invent waterproof watches. and so now her world is no longer timeless. the want for par excellence is simply weighing fish down. down. down. she can't breathe. she feels her lungs filling up with water, and she is sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean - she can't see! yet strangely, that gave her a little tiny sense of relief. for she is afterall, a fish. and fish breathe with their gills, not lungs.

looking through the lancet arch, what might one wish to see? for life is afterall not meant to be understood, its meant to be lived. hmmm... be lived.

into the deep waters fish swims so deep, she wonders if any fish will ever know how to reach her? ... are you my conscience? iridescence.

on mind reading. fish thinks that her mind says....

"you still don't understand, olivia, we're not supposed to know what other people think." hmmm....

see, you're not supposed to know what other people think in their minds that they don't wish for you to know, yet there also exists a dozen unspoken thoughts in their very same minds which they'd be happy if you knew. hasn't this always been part of the defining criteria for a soulmate anyway? rather contradictory creatures, fish would say. essentially, to be understood encompasses both the aspects of being empathised with as well as being mindfully-read by another, no?

one may feel distanced from the entire world when no thoughts of his or hers could be read by another unless explicitly stated. yet, some laments the fact that others could read them like a book. so, tell me again funny humans, how would you like yours to be read? from the left, right or the centre?

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

recently, some gentle currents of troubled waters prompted fish to do some reflection on faith, hope and love.

love put into action is but trying to see through the eyes of those who love us and through the eyes of those whom we love. to experience love is more than feeling the emotions that stir one's heart. because true love endures, it encompasses self-sacrifice, both ideally and practically.

to learn to love someone who loves us, we have to first begin to genuinely love ourselves, and to love ourselves means so much more than indulging ourselves, it sometimes involve us saying 'no' to ourselves. as contradicting as it may seem, at times somehow, the depth of our love is actually proportional to the intensity of consciousness and painfulness in each and every decision-making step we take in our lives.

to find the light at the end of the tunnel, we need hope to take our first step, faith to keep us going when we lose sight of the light and eventually each struggle we make along the way will then testify to our love.

the journey of life was never about the beginning and the end - it has always been about the 'getting there'. life's meaning and purpose was never meant to be figured out - one needs to seek it.

at times when i run out of words, i like to paint a picture.
in this picture, i see a sea.
in the sea, lies a bottle, and in the bottle lies a little note.

"start somewhere, anywhere, then learn, to move on. at the sea, we feel lost when we lose our anchor. some spend a lifetime wishing they'd find back that exact spot where they lost their anchors and realise that they never really will. some find it hard to swim against the currents and lose their strength. and some learn to find the faith and the hope to believe in the sea, that its currents will bring them ashore one day, so that they may start life anew, somewhere. the sea of time heals, only if you allow it to. its alright to not swim against it, but stay afloat, no matter how hard it gets, and believe that you will find the shore you truly belong to one day, someday."

for what is hope, but something free, yet something that brings strength to those who refuse to let it go? and what is faith but not seeing, yet believe?

caching of the witty vibrassie,
heads notched on a starboard.
the witty vibrasse swayed,
back down, a trickling sensation entailed curtailment,
as the mob of the hollow tribe embarked on the quest for the crystal of nothingness,
so did missings of the endearing misgivings ensued.

"no matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first and is waiting for it."
yet,
"who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?"
"the only necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."
for where darkness is, light can exists, yet where light is found, there is no room for darkness.

the fallacy you once tried to believe in, and the truth you constantly evaded;
they return to haunt you yet again.
no effort put into running, you stood your ground.
no, you can't face the sun, yet the dark cave you abhor!

when then, will your insufficiencies crumble beneath your feet?
when then, will your desires cease to tangle your soul?
when then, will you ever find rest and feel naught and naught?

when then, can you be yours and yours alone?
till then, i shall long for that i no longer longs for.

recently, our dreamy little fish was enchanted by both taylor swift and adam young's enchanting fairytale and their 'enchanted' love song that she's inspired to try writing a song for someone whom she truly felt very strongly for once upon a time.... a long long time ago :) so here goes.

Just yOu being nice

your warm Smile was like tHe gentle sun
You made me feel safe tO fall when yoU're around
though you could never really sing, but if i ever had a guitar
you'd be the reason why it got Wet

i usEd to stand by the window sill,
wishing you'd know how i feel
but i foRgot to makE the one moRe wish
that you'll fEel the sAme for me

but you’re just being nice, way too nice, so nice you meLt my heart
and you're perfect, what more could i say
when its Like You walked out from my dreams?
but fairytales don’t just happeN In life
Cos i'm not thE one who caught your eyes
even though you were the one who caught mine

these scary feelings i've ever had
for the first time in my life
i tried so hard just to pretend
that you're like my any other friend

But each time yoU smile
my guard just falls and somehow i can'T say no
i wonder iF you truly knew how hArd it was
when i told you i'd be strong

but you’re just being nice, way too nice, so nice you meLt my heart
and you're perfect, what more could i say
when its Like you walked out from my dreams?
but faIrytales don’t just happeN in life
cos i'm not the one who cauGht your eyes
even though you were the one who caught mine

when you told me you don't think you'll ever Fall
i dOn't know how i should feel
but when i found out you actually did
i wondeRed if You've lied because yOu were just being nice

i jUst wish that one day you’d know
that i was never really strong
but when i see otHers needing you, i jUst had to be
and its alRight, i'm okay, so don'T worry about me
i'll move on, on my own, aS promised, i will be strong

cos fairytales don’t just happen in life
and i'm not the one who caught your eyes (even though you were the one who’ve caught mine)

one day, fish simply decides to write a song for some very interesting fishes who swim pass her waters... (currently)

like the way you cycled to the shelter where i'm at,
the way you'd just sit on the floor it feels like 'welcome home'
the quiet and reserved side of yours, like you're somewhat deep in thoughts
or maybe you're just like me who gets lost easily in one of those daydream episodes

cos' its a nice feeling to see you drive by the same old path.
so say hi and wave at me each time you pass me by

there's a one-sided tacit understanding that we'd never really go that far
still your backview from down the same old road feels warm and familiar


the thing's you probably won't notice all these flashing across my mind,
as i ask you serious questions linked with some distant faraway theories
and the thing is you'll probably never find out - beneath the tacit understanding
that the weather here's unpredictable, like the way you sense to me

cos' its a nice feeling to see you drive by the same old path.
so say hi and wave at me each time you pass me by

there's a one-sided tacit understanding that we'd never really go that far
still your backview from down the same old road feels warm and familiar...

 

the shoes are tight - they're not quite right
for her feet they do not fit
so why can't she swim instead?

the fields are green and wide
the feeling's just about right
can she stay? but will the magic stay?
her heart too, will it fly one day?

can not she run wild?
and get lost without a care?
can not the knots untie by themselves?
and the mind truly be freed?

let this smile of hers stay a little longer
and her imagination run a little further
let her be where she will
let her be who she sees

would time pause for her if she sings,
that little carefree fish! her prelude!
her epilogue and prologue,
of the story of a childish fish.

.... amidst her thick pile of notes, and inspired by a place she really wants to go, fish 'escapes' a little while and pens down her new composition of yet another song! (just the lyrics though, she'll have the tune one day, another day.)

song title: there.

if i built a tent in the middle of nowhere, would you come find me there?
would you knock on my door if i should hide and would you have waited if i was away?
would you have stayed and watch with me the surreal lights,
splash across the northern skies, singing a tune of hope so melodiously?
would you then believe in miracles, and find the strength to leap and plunge?

there you can still ride your stallion
while i walk
and i will dance in the rain
while you watch
as long as you are there with me,
everything feels so safe

maybe you had already built your tent before i mine
should i then look for you there instead?
and what if i should realise you are really there?

and things become clear like the waters and i can no longer hide?
perhaps by then you'd have ceased to remember how to spell fairytale,
or long for the existence of that distant dream.


where you can still ride your stallion
while i walk
and i will dance in the rain
while you watch
as long as you are there with me,
everything feels so safe

if i had kept your warmth in my pockets
i would not have felt this bitter cold
if you were here with me now
i would never have let you go
if only you could have held my hands once again in yours
then i would find my faith and believe in love once more

you can still ride your stallion
while i walk
and i will dance in the rain
while you watch
as long as you are there with me,
everything feels so safe

as long as you are there with me,
there feels so right and love seems so real

Down (Jason Walker)

I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down

I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
I never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh it’s coming down, down, down.

a song fish loves.
(to the sky by owl city)

Shipwreck in the sea of faces,
There's a dreamy world up there,
Dear friends in higher places,
Carry me away from here,

Travel light let the sun eclipse you,
'Cause your flight is about to leave,
And there's more to this brave adventure,
Than you'd ever believe,

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you,
Wide eyes will always brighten the blue,
Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery,
Because after all those wings will take you, up so high,
So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and,
Take to the sky, (you take to the sky)

On the hills of lore and wonder,
There's a stormy world up there,
You can't whisper above the thunder,
But you can fly anywhere,
Purple burst of paper birds this,
Picture paints a thousand words,
So take a breath of mist and mystery,
And don't look back!

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you,
Wide eyes will always brighten the blue,
Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery,
Because after all those wings will take you, up so high,
So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and,
Take to the sky, (you take to the sky)

There's a realm above the trees, (where the lost are fnally found)
So touch your feathers to the breeze! (leave the crowd!)

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you,
Wide eyes will always brighten the blue,
Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery,
Because after all those wings will take you, up so high,
So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and,

Take to the sky, (you take to the sky)

of human and fishes

when one finds oneself in a world where others want to be cared for more than to care, one can only try to care for as many, with as much strength he or she has. yet if care and understanding were mutual, would not the effect be synergistic rather than draining? rather than getting lost in a frenzy of self-justification and self-righteousness, would not being thankful for one is still bestowed with the means to care be a better way out? for all we know, the world may just end tomorrow and whatever we are fighting for would seem foolish and wasted.

yet its all back to controlling one's negative and self-righting thoughts and not allowing them to consume his or her heart. as with one not letting fear stop him or her from doing what he or she knows is right and to prevent the thought that 'everything is too late' from impeding one's decision to change. fish firmly believes that human beings are genuinely far from being wise enough to never make a single mistake in judgement their whole life, so when its time to doubt yourself about the absence of alternatives, doubt it. when its time to let god take the steering wheel, let go.

fish hopes her positive thoughts will always triumph and that she'll always know what is truly right, not in the myopic eyes of human beings but of the ways of her god of love.

Fragile

(Delta Goodrem)

Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one
Seven days a week but my life has just begun
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

In six thousand years what will this mean
Words from the heart or a melody
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel nothing at all
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile
A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes.

fish wish she could take some words lighter sometimes. she wonders why there's such a high tendency of some to just blurt out not so encouraging words, rather than keeping silent. she understands that to those who comments some stuff, a comment may just be a comment and hence is to be brushed off lightly, but one really does not need to be perfect in singing or dancing or screaming or taking photographs or playing the piano or doing anything before one does all that right? and the main point is.... fish never even asked for any opinions to begin with? when one feels like it, why can't one just do it (whether one is good or bad at it) without having people commenting on him or her, whether he or she can or cannot do it? what is the point of only doing things they you feel you like and are good enough in them? she'd never want any of her friends to think that way. fish wishes all her friends can try any skills or arts they are interested in, whether they can or cannot do well in them.

she wishes them to enjoy all these wonderful and beautiful hobbies. while fish has friends who can't sing extremely well, she will encourage them to sing and she will sing along with them (if she knows the songs). while fish has friends whom differ in skills-level in photos-taking, she still admires their passion in taking each shot equally. but why are some friends of hers not able to do the same? perhaps fish does take words from certain friends whom she values slightly harder than the rest. she understands how or why her friend may have said some stuff, whether consciously or unawarely, and she still loves her friends for she does not forget every bit of nice little things they did for her.

perhaps god gave us many many friends because everyone is simply too different, so one can't be everything perfect to another. there are friends who are extremely encouraging and positive when one needs a shoulder and a listening ear while there are friends who have a lot of exposure to many things when one needs a solid advicer. and there are also friends who can play with you and not mind if you are perfect in what you play, as well as friends who really spend a lot of time in studying a certain skill-set when one wants to learn more.

friendship can only be strengthened when both friends choose to focus on the nice and supporting memories and learn to accept the tiny flaws in each other. positive energy is a requirement to keep fish believing in fairytales. she thanks god for every single one of her unique friend and they are all very precious to her. :)

"the other side is much brighter, i promise."

"which other side? the side that does not exist?"

"but before i was here, i was there."

"then leave me and return. i see no bright side."

"if you only would open your heart."

Andrea Bocelli... Con Te Partiro

When I'm alone I dream on the horizon
and words fail; yes, I know there is no light
in a room where the sun is absent, if you are not with me.

At the windows show everyone my heart
which you set alight; enclose within me
the light you encountered on the street.

I'll go with you, to countries I never
saw and shared with you now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you on ships across seas
which, I know no, no ,exist no longer;
with you I shall experience them.

When you are far away I dream on the horizon
and words fail, and, yes, I know that you are with me;
you, my moon, are here with me,
my sun, you are here with me.

I'll go with you to countries I never
saw and shared with you, now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you on ships across seas
which, I know, no, no, exist no longer;
with you I shall experience them again.

I'll go with you on ships across the seas
which, I know, no, no, exist no longer;
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you, I with you.