this day, little fish was suddenly inspired by the tale of the sleeping beauty and decides to hum a hymn to herself in her little bubble...

i woke up from my sleep to find
half a century gone in a wink.
i lost track of the times where i'd dreamt
of opening my eyes and looking into yours
had your lingering kiss forgotten,
the emptiness it left behind?

wanted to look for you instead
tried to fight the spell but can't break it.
did you happen to hear my cry?
tired from my sleep and too tired of dreaming,
was i simply waiting cos its you
or there's nothing left for me to do?

five hundred years in the castle
with all the fears that had dried my tears
the destined one to revive me,
the spell is hard, i tried and i couldn't lift it
dear, why are you so faraway still?
ride a little faster, for my sake

the day you shall arrive sweet prince,
watch me sleep and kiss me just once more
this kiss was all i waited for
lift me from all my lonely dreams and still sorrow
kiss me nightly before we part
till the very day i fail to wake

let not you heart be filled with pain
on that very day, rememeber this-
that it was me who loved you long
before we met and dreamt of you since, and now,
its your turn to dream of me and,
this time i shall find you in your dream

a leaf off an old old diary book...

 

this very day, little water faerie was amazed at herself by herself. she smiled a few times (to herself) when she flipped through some rather yellowish and tattered pages of her little hidden enchanted diary, she smiled at how some of her own recollections had become so faint she almost wonder was that the same her who wrote the entries some time ago and yet, they still managed to bring back some fond memories when she read on.

she sniggered as she came to the realization that she had misdated and mispelled some words in a couple of her little adventures and thoughts' entries... like how she thought her diary (who is about to turn 3 in a couple or more days) was born on the 26th instead of the allegedly 24th october 2006 (opps!) and how she used to think some things were "wierd" and now most things are still, "weird".

oh wells... but all in all, she's still rather pleased with her ability to self entertain and be self-entertained... all these while as she sat peacefully on the grass, leaned quietly on a huge oak tree and thought, what a weird, autistic and mildly proud little water faerie she was.

on matters of style, swim with the currents.
on matters of principles, stand like the rocks.

fall slid quietly across winter's frozen lake,
amidst the very breath of mid-autumn's very air,

shone the brilliance of the summer t'was not too long ago,
when spring blossomed into the newly formed earth, the

mingling aspects of the theory of constancy and,

the unacceptability of newness,

detachment of unsettling doubts,

and unsettling the attachments,

the way a knot would bind, hold or trap.

just the other day, i swam down the avenue of emotions,

with you by my side.

you by my side.

music and the sea, we're like mozart and the whale,

mozart and the whale,

mozart and the whale.

apple of my eye in a fairly bright green fashion.

(but you're not an apple!)

no, you are but a fruit filled with passion,

in that rather simple a way.

stay this sparkling, stay this green.

dear apple tree,

my dear dear passion fruit tree,

for me.

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

appreciate yet not seek,

for she'll only wait,

for one who reaches her soul,

however far.

gently, patiently closing eyes,

you'll never find her

unless she shows you how

but you'll never know,

for so deep within the forest, she had sat.

gaze not on beauty too much,
lest it blind thee;
nor too near,
lest it burn thee.
if thou like it, it receives thee;
if thou love it, it disturbs thee, -
if thou hunt after it, it destroys thee.

- francis quarles

to see the unseen and to forget the seen
to hear the unheard and to forget the heard
to forget what you know and to know with your heart,
this too shall pass.

my side of the story is my love will bring you home.

once upon a time, a fish swam in the quiet waters down south,
there in the north, a cat strolled along a quiet path.
somewhere along, this fish misses that cat. so much.
somewhere within, this fish knows, that the cat probably misses her this much too.

same moon, same stars, different skies.
same sea, same horizon, different shores.
same heart, same thoughts, however far.

a golden drop, from the sun's very golden ray.
an autumn leaf, carried by the wind's very breath.

thou will knowest. i know.

the greatest wisdom of all is to realise the insignificance of man.

recently decided to listen to a song recommended by my friend... the show by lenka

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC76b0VZQog)

found rather inspiring and love the idea of 'life' and 'love' being portrayed as a 'show'.

what a really nice perspective to take on in life, to take everything life brings to you like how you would watch a show... a concept that makes you embrace moments that are rather heavy-hearted with a graceful smile because you get a chance to learn how to move on.

some point in time i believe everyone will eventually reach this point and once they do, that's when the frequency of happy moments increases and wisdom more significant.

guess from long ago ages, man had always been relentlessly seeking life's very wisdom...

a sioux prayer from native american legend...

Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds

Whose breath gives life to the world, hear me

I come to you as one of your many children

I am small and weak

I need your strength and wisdom

May I walk in beauty

Make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made

And my ears sharp to your voice.

Make me wise so that I may know the things you have taught your children.
The lessons you have written in every leaf and rock

Make me strong!

Not to be superior to my brothers, but to fight my greatest enemy....myself
Make me ever ready to come to you with straight eyes,

So that when life fades as the fading sunset,

May my spirit come to you without shame.

bound, by warmth or by baggage?
be freed. the most powerful words you can ever say to yourself.
with grace, give your best smile.

why are things slipping away?
why is the world slipping away?
had i loosen my grip unknowingly?

then why am i slipping away too?
refusal to see any picture.
no big picture, no balance points.

turn away before your heart breaks
walk away, before you no longer smile
use all your energy to wait,
all for a better tomorrow.

often times, the one who can blindfold you for the slightest and briefest moment without you noticing are those who may really not be that simple.

between the boundaries of thinking too much and over-estimating another, there exists a thin line afterall.

the ability to make another feel the possibility of the non-existential sides so very subtly definitely requires skill from one and slightly unthorough thinking on another's part.

relating to another and communicating yourself successfully - an art? a gift? from one's heart or, something slightly darker?

would you mind pausing for that little while?
and simply breathe just by yourself?
if not, please breathe for me?
or, let me breathe for that little while?

choice.
would it had been easier to make a choice and then pull through the choice you make?
or give up halfway and then blame yourself thereafter?
what about today?
what if you are making me more than i was meant to be?

why do one still get one's plate filled up,
even if one don't go around asking for food?
why do one swallow all these food,
even though one was never hungry?

why do one put one's stomach to the test
just because food should never be wasted?
why can't people serving you see how filled your plate already is and how full you are?
why can't they look for another plate to pile their food?

cos you are simply too convincing in your assuring smile?
cos you are round the corner though you tried to hide?
cos you are too yourself?

cos they never bothered asking you?
cos it was never their concern to know what's going on with you.
cos you think you can take it in the end?
cos they think you can take it in the end?

would you mind pausing for that little while?
and simply breathe just by yourself?
if not, please breathe for me?
or, let me breathe for that little while?

just a little while.

everyone in his or her life lives to find and learn to see the greater scheme of things.
some will see this picture earlier than others, while some may lose sight of the picture somewhere along the way.
it doesn't matter when one starts to find cos it is not necessarily the earlier one starts, the faster one finds.
yet, once one gets the big picture, finding the balance point becomes easier, though it will still be a constant balancing process.
but everyone will start somewhere,
and, everyone will meet some point, if not at the end.

the instant you forfeit your right to choose, haven't you already chosen?

there are some things in life in which you know once you let go, you can never find them back.
and yet, there are also things in life which you have to let go, so you can find yourself.

so what if the very moment you open your hand, you realised you'll regret for life?
and what if you can never really know if you should until you open your hand?

in all wisdom, we should simply grab as little as we can in life, just so we will have an easier time letting go and lesser things to let go of.

看完了整部 《花样男子》，印像最深刻的一幕是在景和智厚的一段对话。

"爱情是跟据欲望而实现的，我和智厚都属于太没欲望的人吧?"

总觉得爱的定义和方式似乎太广了。

是应该不顾一切的追逐，就算对方是因为你的爱而痛苦，只因你坚信能给她别人所无法给她的幸福？但你凭什么这么认为？

是应该小心翼翼地处处都为对方着想，把对方的思想和感受都看得比自己的还要重上好几倍，完全尊重对方的抉择，就算自己的心就快伤到不行了？

爱情到底应该是让人失去自我还是找回自己？
是终于在对方心里看到了自己的价值？
是觉悟了只要对方幸福就好，其它的一切包括自己都不重要？

当你和他在一起却又始终无法找到那个平衡点时，是否意味着这并不是一段属于你们的爱情？

总觉得伊智厚对金丝草的爱比起具俊表对她的爱来得更无私，更令人为之所动些。
也觉得如果 《花样男子》 里的 F4 若不是有如此超凡的才华，样貌和气质的话，一切的一切就只会是一段再平凡不过的爱情故事而已。

不论如何，安静地守护在一旁的伊智厚和放开了具俊表的夏在景都应该找寻一段真正属于他们自己完整的爱情，因为他们都值得去拥有真正完整的甜蜜和幸福。：）

you closed your hand,
you waited.
you counted to 10.
and then you opened it.

all to realise its no longer there.

flown far away, i guess?
quietly, so gently.
elves, faeries and magic spells -
castles in the air!
you see that?

that, is a thing of the past.
sweetly bitter and bitterly sweet were never quite the same.

dance, on a hilltop filled with chamomile flowers.
hear the bluebells ring.
see the swallows weave through the clouds.

then lie down on the pasture once more,
and slowly drift away,
to that faraway castle in the air.

time and season for everything.
meaning and reason for everything.

see.
wait and see.
learn to wait and see.
learn to wait.
learn.

learn to see.

just as things would never stay clear always,
so will they not remain forever shrouded.

explain, if you wish to be explained to.
save the explanation, if things can't be changed.

some people get it, some just don't.
some don't cos they can't.
some can but they never really want to.

some people wait for someone to understand them.
some people didn't even realise they were waiting for this while they waited.

some people are just content with finding one person who gets them.
this one person can be someone in mind.
this one person may be more than one person.
this one person can be someone they don't know too.

fish know this one.
what a contented little fish :)

let's see for a moment how inspiring the recent spate of events are :)
promising. quite.

there had always been some who want to tell the whole world about a particular something. some of these people eventually did, some didn't.

among these are some who initially want to tell the whole world something, but by the time they reach for their phones, they felt that telling half the world would be enough. and by the time they finish their first calls, they decided they were pretty much done.

there were some who go all the way, nonetheless... good stamina.

fish belongs to the last category, where telling the whole world rarely cross her mind. for any matter, its either important enough to share with just that few particular fishes, write it down in one of her journals (using her fins) or to simply continue thinking about it for a while more then forget about it altogether.

what a self-acknowledged lazy fish.

fish had never really enjoyed listening to some other fishes. but she definitely prefers that to babbling about her own stuff to other fishes who either lack the patience or are of a different wavelength altogether. for she was rather certain that would be quite a waste of time. and, she doesn't really want to subject the other fishes to what she's going through cos she really doesn't enjoy that.

it has always been easier to look as if one's engaged than to try and engage another, particularly if one feels like being neither, no? fish would also ask lots of questions too, just so she need not answer any.

she once tried to really follow her heart and be by herself, but every now and then some other kind and nice fishes (who doesn't know fish well enough) would swim to her and try to talk to her.

therefore one day, just like how social caterpillars start flapping their wings. fish concluded that in order to not let some other fishes worry about her too much, she should still blow some bubbles however much she doesn't feel like making them.

and only when she's surrounded once again by fishes who truly know her well, can she finally be the fish she is. see why fish feels proud to acknowledge the autism in her. and see why deep down, fish still never like new circles, particularly big circles, the smallest bit.

some mingle, some stay at a corner.
some wait patiently just to be understood.
some don't really want to be understood,
some don't really need to be understood.
some decided the fence is indeed quite a nice place to sit on.
some look forward to others filling up their space for them.

and some continue to enjoy swimming in peaceful waters.

each time when small fish meets some other fishes, there's always the distance issue... how close should they position themselves in relatve to each other?

too far away and the fishes can't seem to see or hear each other too clearly. yet being too close, when there's nothing much to be said and done, things get awkward.

therefore it has always been more energy- and time- friendly for small fish to be just by herself, away from the fishes whom small fish is not too familiar with, or whose frequencies varies from that of small fish's, such that no need for spending extra effort to make sure things appear less awkward.

fishes are pretty much fine being just by themselves, aren't they? or perhaps this fish is just in her autistic mode.

today small fish experienced some stuff that made her think more on some other stuffs and then she also begin to wonder if thinking more will ever make a difference, cos if it doesn't, then what's the point of thinking so much? then again, she realised there's no point in not thinking so much either, cos that being part of her nature usually doesn't happen.

so this fish continues to think and wonder for a while and pens down her thoughts, which may matter, and which may not matter.

there are some people who do things just for the sake of doing them while others try too hard to find the meaning and reason behind certain things, that they miss the point in the end. in which for both cases, fish don't really see any point.

then there are some who tried to find stability, but who never realise that stability itself is a form of relativism. then there's this group of people who realises this, but still couldn't find the stability they were looking for.

there are some who should have devoted more of their energy to try and make things happen. yet there are some who tried too hard and so hard that they didn't even realised that they are human beings too and have the right to feel tired.

some people believe they can do it so they did it. but if some people believe that certain things are not there, then they are not there, then why the need for believing in things not being there in the first place?

sometimes, because importance is found behind a series of unimportant things, people begin to wonder if unimportant really is unimportant and who ultimately determines the importance of things eventually.

sometimes because people don't know some things, life is always simple. but what if the person knows there's more but does not push? can life then still be truly simple? or will it be a life that only appears to be simple? and yet, both the person who does not push and the person who does not tell can never know if life on the other side is truly simpler.

some people are busy. some people try to be busy. some people have to be busy.

some people need the experience. some people just need to observe and reflect. but yet it is also possible for both types of people to never truly learn the same real thing at the end of the day.

people tried to see the world through a pin hole. some thought they saw the whole of the world and some thought they only saw parts of it. some rushed inside, some chose to turn away. some opened the door but hesitated about stepping in. some leaned on the wall and wondered. some get their answers eventually, some just doesn't. and all these while, the door of life remain standing quietly.

how does one ever find the right pace in this race of life?
maybe a more appropriate question should be if our small fish can ever find that right pace in the currents which she swims in? i wonder.