Friday, October 27, 2006
helping someone actually isn't really simple to me. when you actually do it, sub-consciously you have already considered the following:
- whether that person deserves your help
- whether you can afford to help
- how close you are to that person (which also determines how much you are willing to go through and sacrifice to help him/her)
- whether you think you are really in a better position than he/she is
you don't agree? how often are you willing to spend time helping people who are maybe of a higher social status or someone who appears to be or you think are extremely independent and stronger than you in every aspect and comes to you telling you that they have a problem which requires you to spend some time on. even if you can afford and eventually does help him/her, wouldn't you think about why can't they pay someone else to do it or since they are so resourceful and successful themselves, why can't they solve it themselves?
then when you really decide to help, there's so many other things which you have to consider... now, consciously. the method you propose, the attitude/impression you give and his/her unexpected response... the technique needed, in other words, is not really easy.
there are some people who, when they do help someone, expect the person to follow everything they say (because they think what they told him/her to do is best for the person) and they might actually be right... these are usually the people who have seen previous examples and are experienced in one way or another, hence the mountain of confidence.
but this is one approach which i will appreciate the effort but not accept it.
to me, help comes in many forms and of course, majority of the time people who wants to offer assistance do so from their hearts. no one doubted them yet some times its really very funny when certain people are just not so receptive to new ideas...
its like whenever you wish to suggest another method to solve (your own problem), they (most often than not) say that its right to just trust (him/her) because they have seen plenty of things like this before and sometimes even go as far as telling you that they ate more salt than you ate rice and ultimately post you this question: why will they want to harm us?
haha. its really exasperating because no one questioned their sinceirty and suspect that they want to harm us or anything and they are saying all these for whatever purpose? to make you feel guilty about telling that person what your feelings and thinkings on this matter are. isn't this very stressing?
i find it a "yes". so i don't really like asking for help unless i've really really used up all possible methods i can think of. and even if i do try, i will go to my friends or family whom i think will be able to help me in the way i truly needed and it usually takes the following forms:
1. a hug
2. a pat on my head
plus the following words:
- it's okay to cry.
- i am always here for you to lean on
- i believe in you. i am sure you can think of a solution
- tell me how you might want me to help you
i am sure most of us will prefer this kind of help and support rather than in the form of $ or suggestion in the form of issuing a command. :)
Posted by a fish that dreamt a world away at 6:53 PM