balladino by sia

and baby you fall

a little piece of you

and it's a piece left in tact

a part that won't act

but it's overdue

so, you could just fail

you could lower your tail

and just lay down to die

but a sliver of hope

and a dream to elope

so sees my good eye

and i

i see your infinite and i

i see your definite

you push that shape-shifting smile

and as your defense falls

like your castle walls

it comes crashing down

it comes crashing down

but i heal you

you don't want love anymore

but you're drowning, oh

and i feel you

you shut love out evermore

peace surrounds you, oh

so, you could just fail

you could lower your tail

don't just lay down to die

"it has always been you."

once in a blue moon,
a random historical romance drama got one thinking about the idealistic notion of love

perhaps even if eternity were not an option,
and that one has to endure the crumbling sort of pain when it comes to parting,



it may still be worthwhile in the end.

perhaps.

dive

i'm off the deep end, watch as i dive in
i'll never meet the ground
crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us
we're far from the shallow now

mark . equal

lovely.

thought i found a way
but you never go away

i hope someday i'll make it out of here
even if it takes all night or a hundred years

need a place to hide, but i can't find one near
wanna feel alive, outside i can't fight my fear

isn't it lovely, all alone?
heart made of glass, my mind of stone

tear me to pieces, skin to bone
hello, welcome home

walking out of time
looking for a better place

something's on my mind
always in my head space

your eyes.

君心

万人之上，无人之巅。

"因为君心从来就是这世上最难揣摩，
最难把握的东西，
也是最不可信赖的东西。"

~如懿传

conclusion

the four-month hypothesis: an update.

little furred beast went off and play on its own.
a cute tuft of fur to say the least.
nonetheless, four months were all it needed -
for it to give up bugging me.

interesting.

now i know.

a picture paints a thousand words

painting a big picture is a daunting task.

from varying stroke styles to balancing the color tones - blending and harmonizing each layer on this seemingly never-ending canvas require masterly finesse - no less.

looking forward to the day where more fine artists join the ranks - so i may return to sketching my simpler, smaller art pieces... those closer to my heart... those where i can doodle without a care.

treading between both worlds in itself is already quite a challenge, what more to act as a portal and bridge?

times where i wish i never knew how much i missed out while i am painting... just so i feel a little better.

erised

"erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi"

times where i wonder,
what exactly would i see?

would i be surprised?

if i were, does it mean that i do not know my own heart?

its perhaps not too difficult to know what we like,
but 'love' and 'desire' are strong, dangerous words.

the kingdom of night and glass

the castle sat atop the mountains, surrounded by perpetual darkness, engulfed by an air of magic and mystery.

she could feel her own heartbeat quicken.

should she?

atomic number 82

 a heavy metal denser than most common materials, yet also soft and malleable.

much like the same word in verb form.

ashore

a relatively mad 48 hours of sorts.

first instance of anger, perhaps more disappointment? 

tough to be you... i guess.

how many masks do you need to adorn?

just the tip of an iceberg from my end,

and oftentimes i've caught myself looking ashore.

an idealist like yourself - what keeps you going?

i mean, besides coffee, of course.

a little.

there goes my heart beating,
cos you are the reason.

swim every ocean just to be with you,
fix what's broken, make sure the light defeated the dark.

just a little closer now, come a little closer now
glance, once more.

the furry beast just grew a tiny bit.

just
a
little
bit.

day 66.
56 days to go.

a slight beam?

so.

seemed like you really beamed today.
hope this snapshot will stay with you for a while, and remain warm for some time.

another two months or so should do the trick i guess,
am already feeling it slipping away.

the beast, finally tamed a little -
a rather adorable creature still, nonetheless.

think i may also finally have an inkling of my soft spot.
its "the" sense of being misunderstood by the world.

when perhaps, deep down, one is not
every bit as evil or mean as perceived.

perhaps, beneath that strong front,
one does possess a gentle side that can do with some tender care.

no matter,
just another two months.

blink of an eye,
i'm sure.

dreaming

we're not in love
we share no stories
just something in your eyes

the shadows know me
fall into the dark side

we don't need the light

i see it, let's feel it
while we're still young and fearless

beneath the sky
as black as diamonds
we're running out of time

don't wait for truth
to come and blind us
let's just believe their lies

no secrets worth keeping
so fool me like I'm dreaming

a simple name, miles away.
brief, gentle flutters.

a month, in a moment.

hypothesis: day 13

a small project
a four-month hypothesis

none, or none.
december twenty eighth.

today the beast grew a little, just a little.

a rather adorable creature still,
(at the moment).

grey eyes.
this little creature has clear, grey eyes.

it would appear this little creature
is brimming a little too.

understandably,

who wouldn't love a little escape -
especially a sanctioned one.

next hypothesis forecast: probably two months later.

chambre de chassé

feed the beast,
it grows.

too easy,
to lose.

thoughts,
they wander.

(my) reflection,
your eyes.

your reticence,
matches mine.

never lingered,
perilous.

strangely attractive -
such mysterious aloofness.

wrapping my head round
this gentle leap,

this unavailing skip
of my own heart beat.

a little more gauche,
a less redolent sonata,

and desire,
the sooner siphoned.

yet, the hardest logic remains.
a third entity to pique my interest -

seriously, genes?
compromised, much?

good thing,
nothing could come out of this.

perhaps then i could afford to be a little more indulgent,
and feed this little beast of mine a little more,

just so i can continue to be amused (at myself, mostly).
after all, there's simply no way i can lose in this.

this fish that dreamt a world away,
surely has no qualms in her most recent imagining.

masks.

masks are but accessories to adorn when facing people who does not matter. pretty useful, i'd say. all the right moves at all the right places.

go ahead and wear a mask. so when you're with people you truly care about, you can simply remove it and reveal your true self.

go ahead and wear a mask. so you won't ever have to change who you essentially are. masks give you the option to hold on to the real 'you' at your core, and at the same time survive the not-so-"real"  world out there.

still think you know me?

some

books of old
legends and the myths
don't see myself upon that list
where'd i wanna go?
not looking for anybody

perhaps fairy tale bliss
something i can turn to
something just like this
someone i can miss

someone just like this.

heaven, bridge, ocean, drops.

"... but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"

~ robert browning

what if one never actually thought about reaching the heavens to begin with?

what if all one wanted was to build a bridge to link everyone together?

what if all one wanted was to contribute in small, simple, little ways?

what if heaven is so far away one begins to lose sight of everyone and everything she loves?

what if one misses her little corner on earth so very much?

“my life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”

~ david mitchell

same box.

"after the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

6 years on, a new perspective.

there are many games to be played in one's life; some born of our choices, some of circumstances, some inevitable.

some we lose, some we win. some well-played, some less so. but of these games, one thing remains consistent - we learn.

choose each battle carefully - ready the chess pieces - decide the right time to fight them.
fight all battles well; give your best shot in every game, play fair and aboveboard, with wit.

then, regret nothing.