heaven, bridge, ocean, drops.

"... but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"

~ robert browning

what if one never actually thought about reaching the heavens to begin with?

what if all one wanted was to build a bridge to link everyone together?

what if all one wanted was to contribute in small, simple, little ways?

what if heaven is so far away one begins to lose sight of everyone and everything she loves?

what if one misses her little corner on earth so very much?

“my life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”

~ david mitchell

same box.

"after the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

6 years on, a new perspective.

there are many games to be played in one's life; some born of our choices, some of circumstances, some inevitable.

some we lose, some we win. some well-played, some less so. but of these games, one thing remains consistent - we learn.

choose each battle carefully - ready the chess pieces - decide the right time to fight them.
fight all battles well; give your best shot in every game, play fair and aboveboard, with wit.

then, regret nothing.

start.

as it was in the beginning,
it is now,
and ever shall be.
world, without end.

the wheel reinvented,
the cycle, repeated.

the dripping,
the reaping,
the mirror.

possibility

one's perception,
another's contraption.

a born contortionist,
conformed by nothing.

boundless,
reach.

walk.

i led a fine steed across the fields.
i thought, perhaps if i gave it a little more time,
it would reach its full potential.

tired of trudging, pulling it along,
at last i stopped.
as the dust settled from around us.

i stood and watched, thinking.

perhaps my sight has been set too far,
and my hopes, too high,
a marathon, not a sprint, i kept telling myself.

but i keep losing my grip on the lead rope.
maybe i should walk instead, on my own.

sky thief

walking between the raindrops
riding the aftershock beside you
off into the sunset
living like there's nothing left to lose
chasing after gold mines
crossing the fine lines we knew

hold on and take a breath
i'll be here every step
walking between the raindrops with you

will you, still?

wonder why you came to mind during the movie... despite knowing the impossibility of it all. if our paths had crossed earlier, would things be different then, sky thief? would you still be you, and me, me?

love. a dissection

“to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. to love is to be vulnerable.”

'love', best summed up by C.S. Lewis.

the 10th year, 12 days late.

a voltex of kindred spirits,

an old soul by the window.

the yellowed willow billowed -

a serenade by the canary.

in her mind palace an empty throne sat.

time slowed, eyes closed,

zugzwang

the selection - a thought.

the selection novella.

despite its predictability and typicality, kiera cass accurately illuminated the hopes of (i dare say 90%, if not all) ladies when it comes to the notion of love.

its protagonists, america singer and eadlyn schreave, both expressed characteristic traits that are highly relatable by majority of the female gender in my generation especially - independent, thinking, afraid of getting hurt, and enjoy our freedom a little too much to settle for the fleeting notion of 'love'.

while both protagonists did not exactly consciously look for 'love', they somehow managed to stumble upon it under a series of unbelievably coincidental circumstances. afterall, if a guy of maxon schreave's calibre were to turn up in my life one day, confessing his unconditional love for me for simply being who i am, and not bat an eyelid to take a bullet for me - i'm certain there's no way i will be able to resist his charm.

here's the catch though - neither 'the selection' nor 'maxon schreave' exist in real life - and i am well aware of this. perhaps for me, at the end of the day, i'm just waiting for someone to remind me of this song by chantal:

"somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
there's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

if you knew how lonely my life has been
and how long i've been so alone
and if you knew how i wanted someone to come along
and change my life the way you've done

it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i come from
it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i belong

a window breaks, down a long, dark street
and a siren wails in the night
but i'm alright, 'cause i have you here with me
and i can almost see, through the dark there is light

well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
and how long i've waited for your touch
and if you knew how happy you are making me
i never thought that i'd love anyone so much

it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way the back where i come from
it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i belong
it feels like i'm all the way back where i belong"

and if one day he ever decides to appear in my life, i hope for two things - that i will at least notice his presence, and maybe, just maybe, be brave enough to jump.

all.around.you.

a true leader leads by example, not by making remarks at the side; instructions will naturally be taken seriously when respect is earned. when you manage, you don't just lead, you serve. either you reject that path altogether, or do a decent job, because with great power comes great responsibility.

when you lead, how you carry yourself matters; every single decision you make no longer affects just you, but everyone under you. people look up to you for solution and direction - communicate frequently with the people you lead, preempt problems, not wait for them to occur then tackle. stay grounded, but plan ahead.

don't expect perfection from everyone, appreciate and encourage the positive things that are being done rather than see yourself as a critic. motivation can be killed, but it can also be nurtured. there is a distinct difference between being realistic and being overly critical, be mindful of the latter.

speak your mind freely if what you say is constructive, for i consider neither eloquence nor the lack of tactfulness a virtue.

you have the freedom to do whatever you want, as long as your happiness is not built upon someone else's inconvenience. you don't need to go all out and be selfless. but it would be good if you can just have the basic consideration for others.

sometimes, all you need to do is to think of what you can do within your own means then do it, period.

endless

wishes and desires entwined,
swirling currents.

bubbles.
she drowns? she lives?

dreams and beliefs conjoined,
fingers brushed against the utopia rim.

strong, the magnetism.
dark, the abyss.

endless struggle,
her two natures.

sojourn.
she passes? she fails?

she walks on.

chess pieces

on the board
chess pieces scattered
invisible threads attached

from opposing ends
two master puppeteers played
making the right move at the right time is crucial

an experienced resistant and a radical new bird,
each with their own set of strategy
each with their contemporary set of temporary loyalists

sacrifices are expected,
losses did not matter; no one was indispensable.

nothing mattered as much as winning.

the foot soldiers stood silently from a distance
watching, waiting.
wondering when it'll be their turn to be the next pawn.

aye aye captain!

a nice ark used to sail in the vast ocean;

many storms it has triumphed,

though it rocked from time to time, it fitted everyone snuggly.

it felt like home. it was home.

though there were times where the sea was rough,

the ark felt sturdy enough to last through it all,

because everyone on the ark was of one heart, and understood that they will all eventually get to the same destination together one day.

however, it came a day when everyone suddenly found themselves in separate boats,

and each boat began competing against one other,

trying to reach the destination ahead of the rest.

i just can't help but wonder, at the end of the day, 

what purpose does it truly serve, if your boat is faster, or mine?

when wooden planks of sunken boats surface one by one,

would one then question, if the change was really for the better?

or would one then be too clouded by fear of when one's turn would be?

for if a captain's role is solely to point to a location on a map, then anyone can be captain. and googlemap would do an outstanding job.

which side of the moon?

every time we’re dancing
i look into his eyes
i’m daring him to ask me
he might as well be blind

this side of the moon
i’m with you

we don’t have to be far?
will you be there waiting?

why do you seem so far away today, and the future... even further?



i dare you, quietly.
i dare you now.

dare.

the little princess.

memories, stole away into the night.
moonlight lit the path i trod.
run, so they can't haunt you.

a morphed snake,
its teeth gently grazing my fingers,
there was no pain, but i let it go,
i knew it won't hurt me, and i still put it down.

fairy dust! if there's ever an "if", i wish it was then,
but the me from then would not have the second thoughts i possessed now.

the well, the waters,
the shimmering moonlight.

what would i have done?
time and circumstance was not in our favour,

the heightened sense of fear in staking the calm present for a volatile future,
perhaps i'll never be brave enough to take that step.

she gazes into the mirage of the well,
she relish in the safety of knowing that as long as its all in her mind,
she couldn't be hurt.

no, the feeling of what could have been would never hurt as much as actual nostalgia, nor reality.

she loves the little prince,
for she was 'the' little princess, in every sense.

she is afraid.

once in a while

a bird injures its wings,
a green viper hisses.
a clock chimes,

a star lands.

cos you don't think i know what you've done,

i'm not the only one.

eve bites the apple.

for unto dust we all belong.

fallen?

don't we all. 

rules.

i stared up at the sun,
you can feel the light start to tremble,
take us down and we keep trying,
forty thousand feet, keep flying.

i'm standing frozen,
in a life i've chosen.
the cold never bothered me anyway.

sometimes.

sometimes i run,
sometimes i hide,
truth is, i'm not really sure what i want or what suits me.

drama.life.

the current trend in asian drama series, or most drama series for the matter, tend to revolve around a female lead with seemingly mundane and humble background, yet with a certain set of positive and morally righteous qualities, being sought after by a group of ridiculously outstanding male characters who are attractive and appealing (in terms of social status, economic status, looks and moral character).

in recent years, the female leads have also evolved to be more and more self sufficient, and away from the stereotypical damsels in distress, waiting to be rescued altogether. regardless, the male characters will still irrevocably fall in love with them, and (predictably), she will only give her heart to one of them in the end (often the most deserving one), or end up sacrificing herself in some way to make the story more bittersweet and memorable for the audience. often, the market is saturated with drama series carrying modernized Cinderella plot, some of which so predictable that by the second episode, i have already lost interest in it since i knew what the ending would be. 

i have to admit though, series involving clever plots, schemes and pitting of witty characters against each other are quite my kind of thing; granted in reality, possessing a good heart, sound moral and bravery is not going to get you anywhere, not without intelligence and wits. the 'bad' guys are no longer simple fools who get what they deserve at the end of the day, period. life would teach you that much. the 'good' guys who are faced with tough decisions, who had to come up with ways to counter the wicked plots and schemes without compromising on their moral grounds - these are the ones that truly appeal to me - characters with depth, who are able to remain righteous at the end of the day.

my idea of an ideal couple consist of people who love each other deeply, share similar ideals and moral values, who would not hesitate to sacrifice for each other, or for what the other believes in. it however sucks when they also happen to be such awesome people who would place the greater good over their own interests. this makes them all the more noble, but at the same time, fills you with a tinge of melancholy, since deep down you are also aware that there would undeniably come a point where they would choose to give up their own happy ending for the bigger picture, a greater good. 

an example of the kind of character that appeals to me in a recent drama series - taltal from empress ki. not romantically-linked to the female lead, but he's definitely one who has proven his strength of character and intelligence. he had every right to be arrogant, but remains humble and saves the day quietly each time.

time and tide.

built the wall, closed the door, hid the key. 

an invisible wall, a concealed door, a missing key.

living in a seemingly free dome.

what goes on in your silent mind?

wit. strength. character.

tal tal . wang yoo . seung nyang