"remember the good, and never the bad."

"but what if there's nothing good that's left to remember?"

"forget. forget everything."

well-concealed behind the thorn bush, she listened. no one had the slightest idea she was there. despite the fine gashes on both her arms and the multiple slash wounds on her thigh and lower right calf, she made no whimper. streaks of blood dyed her pants red as she barely managed to suppress a smirk; a rush of euphoria and ache swelled within her.

"this is it."

"this is it."

row.

in a humble boat sat she.
gently, she rowed.

she loved the boundless sea, the unparalleled sunrise and sunset, the dazzling night sky.
at the edge of the forest, the cicada calls, the scent of pine lingers, the morning dew renews.
each day, she thought she could be here forever.

yet forever is a long time.

for like calypso, she was cursed.
the very moment she fell in love with where she was,
she will be thrown into the freezing waters and made to swim back to her little boat.

countless times she swam,
with every gulp of air; she struggled to remember all the beauty around her.

countless times she fell,
with every prickle on her skin; she struggled to hold onto all the memories, and what's left in her.

gradually, her perseverance ebbed away.
time, after all, is indeed a scary thing.

as her little boat came into view, 
her hands tightened around its rim. 

yet her worn-out soul is already beginning to lose its shimmer.
her tired mind whispers...
"how many more times? how much longer?"

lost in tears mingled with nostalgia and exhaustion, she slowly loosens her grip...

minimizing the casualties...

her lips, they never parted;
they bear the weight of the unspoken words,
the words she dared not utter.

the hidden expectations... the differences.
she kept telling herself perhaps its just her,
that she don't even know what's in your mind.

"... slowly all the faces turn to yours
like no one else exists anymore
i'd talk to you if only i could speak
and i'd dream of you if i could fall asleep..."

she dreamt, when she fell asleep.
is this... only happening in her mind?

"... i'll find an area more remote than Bavaria
i'll still get in the hair of you, in Bavaria or Bombay
and you'll find that love won't let you get away..."

she liked going out to sea with you.
she liked taking a stroll around the zoo with you.
she liked catching the sunsets with you.
she liked the impromptu pingpong game in the middle of some random street.
she liked playing the piano for you.
she liked the mini 'traffic police' adventure.

the fault in our stars, sky thief, perhaps is this:
“i'm a grenade and at some point i'm going to blow up and i would like to minimize the casualties.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

a hidden assumption... a footnote perhaps: provided the fella who accompanied you on the journey possesses a certain degree of altruism, and his or her presence tolerable, or even enjoyable maybe?

on the larger scale, life is but a series of expectations, disappointments, hope, joy, grief and pain. one simply cannot escape any of these phases unscathed. yet each of us deal with these phases in different ways.

the environment which one grows up in determines the preparedness and tenacity of one to accept each of these various phases - rightly so. nevertheless, one still has the option of choosing which phase to linger longer in, thereby ultimately predisposing oneself to the perception of life as either a 'purposeful' or a 'meaningless' one.

perhaps by filling one's life with transient events constantly, one's commitment to any of these phases would be expect-ably fleeting; if one simply does not linger too long, one is less likely to get hurt.

pride.

pride,
one's strength, as well as one's ultimate weakness.

to live a truly carefree life,
have absolutely zero expectation.

just as one's destiny may be fulfilled without the realisation of one's purpose,
one may also live out one's purpose, with utter disbelief in destiny.

in the gutter lay thee,
thy motionless arms, cold.
thy eyes, they behold the heavens,
the angels, engulfed by pure myrrh,
looked down upon thee,
thy secret, safe, sound.

my depth, concealed.

persistence, strength, perspective.

"a river cuts through a rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence."

an inspiration, when told through the eyes of the river.
but for the rock, however it persisted, the river still managed to cut through it.

perspective.

what if the river had never wanted to cut through the rock in the first place? what if it had no control over its power as to where it is to flow? what if it were all mere motion? what if it had felt sorry for the rock, but is helpless about stopping its flow?

what if the rock just happens to be there? what if it had wished it was on some other place far away from the waters? what if mere serenity was all it had wanted, but unfortunately gets stuck and have to go through the ordeal of water constantly running through it over and over again? what if it were constantly screaming "get me out of here, please somebody, anybody!" but was never heard?

part of a bigger play.

perhaps one day, when the rock eventually becomes sediment grains and nothingness, it will be able to ride far far away with the river, and finally, be free.

but would it still be the same rock it used to be?

one would be blind to think the world to be perfect.
yet, the world is bound to remain imperfect if everyone simply does nothing about it, convinced that whatever they do is insignificant.

the more-than-fine balance.

assume.
"suppose to be the case, without proof."
... the reason why things never happened.

appreciate.
"being grateful for (something)."
... the lack of this,
the reason why things happen,
and why certain people feel lost and worthless.

"well you only need the light when it's burning low,
only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
only know you love her when you let her go."

dream.
"a condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration."
... powers believe,
and drives the passion for pursuit. 

hope.
the reason for pain,
also the reason why people hold on despite the pain.

"staring at the bottom of your glass,
hoping one day you'll make a dream last....
... maybe one day you'll understand why
everything you touch surely die."

and you let her go.

toy.

on a thin fine thread the young lady saunters,
her wandering mind, sharp, albeit shrouded.
her agility unexpected, her move surprises.
the entwining, lifeless thread in her hand she fonders,
her sleeves hissed.

入战曲伴我无悔的狂妄，我所憧憬的爱情。

《兰陵王》

左手掌握着空心，

右手掌握着痴心，

一心一意捧在手掌心 。

偏偏我越抱越緊，

偏偏我越愛越貪心，

偏偏要爱到万剑穿了心才死心。

我属于你的注定，不属于我的命运。

 

我手心的温度。

moringa turtledove

black dove, white crow perched on snow,
if you could a dove, would you rather a crow?

white as snow, black as coal,
dark ebony, blinding white.

roles, life, contrast, mosaic.
the night circus invites.

play, live, blend, collage.
the daybreak beckons.

the still stirred,
eyes open.

wednesday the fifteenth.

1. fell off a bicycle
2. hit my head against metal bar
3. slipped and hit my right elbow against a branch
4. got thrown into a little risky situation
5. almost slipped in the bathroom (again)

alive feels great. phew.

so much for 'friday the thirteenth', here's my plan for the next and final hour of wednesday the fifteenth - drift into dreamland and wake up to a safer tomorrow.

tu-en-tee-thur-tin

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

the box closes, only to be opened once more.
the game plays on,
till one's very last breath.

the fallen queen and her bishop stifle a laugh,
their horses chortle.

as the days go cold, 
and the cards all fold,

space and strings entwined,
the very marionettes of life,

on a glass jar,
rests the fairy dust.

the wine bead swirls,
it settles,
only to be drunk.

cheers,
what says you?

run

imagine dragons... civil wars.
poison. wine. demons.

when the days are cold

and the cards all fold
wish you'd hold me when i turn my back

i want to hide the truth
i want to shelter you
you only know what i want you to

when you feel my heat
look into my eyes
your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine 

don't love you but i always will

 

when your dreams all fail

and the ones we hail
are the worst of all
the less i give, the more i get back
 

don't get too close

it's dark inside

it's where my demons hide

with the beast inside
there's nowhere we can hide

when the lights fade out

all the sinners crawl

they dug your grave
 

and the masquerade
will come calling out
at the mess you made

your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

they say it's what you make
i say it's up to fate
 

it's woven in my soul
i need to let you go

your eyes, they shine so bright
i want to save their light
 

i can't escape this now

fear.

you only know what i want you to,
but i don't really know if i want you to.
you think your dreams are the same as mine,
yet they are all but bubbles of iridescence.

felt something i can't put in words,
i don't know how long this can last.
the world i paint in my mind,
don't think its real.

i run because i can.
to places where inklings are stowed safely away,
only to be extracted as memories,
a trace in time.

i'm cautious when i shouldn't be,
rational when i know i am not.
afraid to fall when i tell others to be brave,
but i'm tired of tumbling down the grey.

i feed on melancholy,
the ethereal bitter-sweet.
instead of love,
save my heart.

love, always intense, always strong.
always heavy, so i'll never be ready.
convince me, but you shouldn't have to,
i shouldn't need it, why should i need it?
fear always win, it always does.

i watch the dandelions dance in the wind - they always do.
they're never bound,
they're always free.

i'll dance,
i'll fly.

dream.

you only want to hear what you want to hear,
not what i have to say.

misgivings.

a million tiny broken pieces, 
seemingly whole,
far from perfection.

be.dazzled -
it takes more than courage and sweat to pursue a dream,
it takes heartaches and patience,
it takes
your pride away.

yet, a dream is a dream.
it is essentially,
not everything
in life.

cheers.

i ladled sadness, drank sorrow in a single toast.
i swindled the wind, i stole tomorrow.
i called to the sea, i flew over it,
i rose.
the weight of the amnesty, i sank,
i woke.

right.

it takes years to build an empire, a misstep to throw it all away, a missed shot to realise what truly matters and a wise soul to weather it all. 

the empire stood, in all its regalia and splendour; man, his foolish banter. 
one hardly knows what comes after; life, misshapes.

not angry.

you're nothing more than an empty shell... not even a pretty one.
you live in the past, expecting the world to do your bidding.
you tried so pathetically to justify that because the world is unfair, you have no reason to assume even your own responsibility, while all the time you expect everybody else to do the exact opposite of what you yourself are doing.
you jump at the first opportunity to criticise and judge, and then retreat beneath your own stack of excuses to paint a distorted self image.
i shall not despise you.
i will not get angry.

to be happy, one has to realise the meaning of love, and to find a way to cope with life that does not push love away.

therefore i pity you.


because you know neither forgiveness, nor the meaning of love.

:)

of all the faces
you were the one next to me
you can feel the light start to tremble
washing what you know out to sea

walking between the raindrops
riding the aftershock
off into the sunset
chasing the gold mines

there's a smile on my face
we're better than alright

61 days!

an aloof idealist bordering on impracticality...

give an inch, take a mile.
seventy times seven times.

reasoning differences -
choices, paths, dilemma. 

refraining from judgement,
shallow... impetuous.

refusal to fight... not without the means to.

an aloof idealist bordering on impracticality.