its interesting how people see the same thing. there are 2 types of observant people according to my friend; one that simply observe and then do something while another just simply observe and wait for things to come to him/her... "leng3 yan3 pang2 guan1". (u see we both know a friend of the latter.)
but in my opinion there are actually 3 types of people:

- one that genuinely loves playing games (i mean any sorts but not the mean kind if you understand)- one that only like playing at what he/she is good at or with another person who is better than he/she so that they can learn new strategies and tatics from (kaoz. so scary lah!!! i simply thought playing is supposed to be for fun "seriously"!)

- and finally one that doesn't really like certain games but will still play along (my friend says this is called gentleman-ness but i mean its no doubt nice of the person to play along, but i still find it'll be nicer if they like and truly enjoy the games they are playing and not simply play just to pei4 he4)

things seem so much easier for people to work together when there's a common goal or belief in general... something that we all share or even do. it also help to have a group of enthusiasts to liven up the surrounding spirits :)

people can take very different views too... i just realise not everyone sees "communication" the way i do. i always thought it meant talking whatever things that you feel like talking about? as in like heartfelt rather than formulated speech?! but i was amazed when my friend managed to give me a lesson (practically) on the art of communication as in she even gave me scenarios-based questions so i can practice on how to start topics related to it? dunno to laugh or applaud her. but i gotta say she's generally real chatt-able person.

somehow still find it easier to talk in general to girls than guys for me.... i guess probably guys brains simply work very different from mine? or i think maybe cos i dun have any older brothers to talk to since young? like you just dunno what topics to talk about?! catch no waves lah.... and girls' signals are so much easier to catch since i send them myself? haha. oh well. maybe just haven't talked enough to guys to feel comfortable with chatting with them yet? my friend kept saying just treat them as girls when you are talking to them... so i am going to try it next time. hee.

wanted to prove that certain things can be maintained but... well. i guess just gotta agree that it seems like nowadays friendships that are able to last truly needs to be forged based on lots of common experiences and formed over long periods of time and communicating. oh well. now i know better. :) its tiring for one side to keep taking the initiative... i really admire long distance relationships that are able to last, really. :)

oh well. seems like i just can't start or fit into certain conversations... particularly those that most girls like to talk about. frequency just seem different. but never seem to have the problem with my close friends though... maybe that's why we are close.

feels that true equality treatment is really really rare and people are always judging by appearances. know that it is inevitable but just dun like that gan3 jue2. dun supposed i will have any friends who are err. too gentle. haha. i am probably the kind who dares to play all the way and err even if it means getting soaked in mud... wonders if my character is really suitable for a girl sometimes. lol. my grandma used to tell me that my character is so much more like a boy... prob because i am more "outdoor and sporty and fun loving" as compared to my other female cousins... who prefers shopping in air-con places in which err i dun really fancy really.

used to think that as long as there is a common enemy or a gossip topic, it will be easier for certain girls or maybe most girls to "bond" and i supposed that is rather true but not this way for me. i seriously dun like this idea at all. if you dun like that person then just keep it to urself and dun affect others' opinions of him/her lah. like i mean all of us are not perfect anyways.

i also find that it is not difficult for me to fit into different or new groups but just that i am only truly comfortable with around people who thinks more of the common positive topics and criticise/zhen1 dui4 others less. like... ask me how i feel about so-and-so whom i really dun like and i will prob just say we are of different frequency.

i very much prefer groups that are based on maybe the common goal of winning, playing games with our very best all the way and then is able to chat with everyone and anyone and not just stick to their own groups in camps esp... can't you just mix around and know each other better?! thank goodness i already have a bunch of such friends around me. cos i really dun like to be judged, judge or see others being judged when whatever we know is only so little and not the full story.

live by the moment or let days pass us by? have the feeling that once we start working, we will lose most of our fun and relaxing time. so... for now, must try to gather as much as we can the playful and fun memories while we are still in school. afterall everyone keeps saying most mistakes are being forgiven when we are "young"... and being not-so-grown-up, we have the special right to do certain silly and lame things... (but of course not terribly evil kinds)... maybe a couple that are a little cheeky ones?... those kind where when you are older and then one fine day decides to look back, then can't believe you did such a thing - and - laugh.

felt like i can go on being this childish for the next few years, and i think i'll eventually be. :P a part of me wish to start school soon. a part of me hesitates. there are some memories that are especially worth reminiscing. two people might have gone through that same memory together but the value and importance of the memory might afterall be rather different.

how far should you go to create your own opportunities if you are someone who believes in serendipity? *winks.

... suddenly feel like feelings are so fleeting and transient. you are thinking of someone for a very long while and all of a sudden some events just happen and then you suddenly realize you don't miss that person as much or think about him/her as often anymore. is our feelings really trust-able? interesting. wonder if whatever i am feeling now is fleeting too?!

i guess now i know better, though the heart still hopes. standing at the cross roads is not the best feeling on earth. perhaps it was only me from the start till now who was all along thinking in the wrong direction. maybe its time to really let the feelings subside. maybe they were not there in the first place. mind - what a beautiful thing. beautiful but hard to fathom. heart - wondrous yet fragile.

dun like playing guessing game. dun like thinking too much. dun like feeling for something i am not even sure about myself. dun like the feeling of missing someone when i dun even know if that person is missing me as much. dun like to be kept in suspense. dun like to feel uncertain. argh - dun like you :(

like to play like a kid at the playground. like to dance as if no one is watching. like to be among friends who are as childish as i am. like to be me and not pretending to be someone i am not ready to be. like the spinning skies. like the "shooting" stars. like to be with my 2 bestest friends! :D like tonight.

天为何总要黑 爱为何变忌讳
我想要的并不是并不是这安慰
当眼泪跌碎 一切怎挽回

心为何想诉罪 痛为何还不退
说无所谓启不是启不是 太虚伪太可悲

想爱的机会 到底是谁在支配
给我最后温柔 抱在胸口
假装不必放手 还有以后
让多年后我回头
相信你的爱没尽头

给你最后温柔 你的自由
不要让你泪流 不要内疚
只要你回头 依然觉得有想我的理由

只要你回头 会承认我们不止是朋友

a surreal kind of feeling. something which you thought had certain returns came back with loads of bonus is such a great feeling! its so intense and momentarily blinding - i never knew making your loved ones happy could be such great a job to do! especially when its more than one of your loved ones turning to you with smiling faces!

its like as if everything you've done was more than worthwhile - the 1st step is always the toughest and the most important ingredient to success is the support you can find.

've been wondering how do you know if you really like someone or you just miss them because you are used to them being around you? is there a benchmark? hee :D just like how do you differentiate between admiration and liking? hmmz... wonders. can it be really be based on the rate at which your heart beats? how do you know which first time it is? let time tell what is to come.

wikipedia post:
A star is a massive, luminous ball of plasma. Stars group together to form galaxies, and they dominate the visible universe. The nearest star to Earth is the Sun, which is the source of most of the energy on Earth, including daylight. Other stars are visible in the night sky, when they are not outshone by the Sun. A star shines because nuclear fusion in its core releases energy which traverses the star's interior and then radiates into outer space. Almost all elements heavier than hydrogen and helium were created inside the cores of stars.

Astronomers can determine the mass, age, chemical composition and many other properties of a star by observing its spectrum, luminosity and motion through space. The total mass of a star is the principal determinant in its evolution and eventual fate. Other characteristics of a star that are determined by its evolutionary history include the diameter, rotation, movement and temperature. A plot of the temperature of many stars against their luminosities, known as a Hertzsprung-Russell diagram (H-R diagram), allows the current age and evolutionary state of a particular star to be determined.

A star begins as a collapsing cloud of material that is composed primarily of hydrogen along with some helium and heavier trace elements. Once the stellar core is sufficiently dense, some of the hydrogen is steadily converted into helium through the process of nuclear fusion. The remainder of the star's interior carries energy away from the core through a combination of radiative and convective processes. These processes keep the star from collapsing upon itself and the energy generates a stellar wind at the surface and radiation into outer space.

Once the hydrogen fuel at the core is exhausted, a star of at least 0.4 times the mass of the Sun expands to become a red giant, fusing heavier elements at the core, or in shells around the core. It then evolves into a degenerate form, recycling a portion of the matter into the interstellar environment where it will form a new generation of stars with a higher proportion of heavy elements.

Binary and multi-star systems consist of two or more stars that are gravitationally bound, and generally move around each other in stable orbits. When two such stars have a relatively close orbit, their gravitational interaction can have a significant impact on their evolution.

my post:
when you like something, you will tend to find out as much infomation as you can on it... but then again too much facts and information seem to diminishes the creative and imaginative spaces for your own mind to roam about when you don't know anything about it at first? stars?! aren't beautiful things supposed to remain beautiful no matter from which angle you look at it - science or non-factual?

the moon can see me!

can someone from outerspace shoot a star when i look into the dark sky next time? thanks.

happened to read "born on a blue day"... when he was young, he seems so pefectly fine to be without any friends at all. but actually why does it feels wierd if we were to imagine ourselves to be "friendless"? stigma or impression formed since young?

hmmm... actually what are some reasons why friends are important? because they are a source of support? because they just happen to be there when you want someone to spend time with? because they listen to you when you want someone to talk to? because you don't want to be alone?

ever wonder how strong friendship can be when weighed with self interests? what are the boundaries you can push in any friendship? especially today?

low maintenance friendships tend to be able to last longer probably since meeting up once in a while gives you more time to miss each other more and have more topics to talk about as compared to meeting up too often? or because its a kind of friendship where you know you are emotional-burden-free from the daily hassles and problems your friends might face?

how do you judge if a friendship is strong? does the no. of getting-togethers and time spent together matter? or by relativity - as compared to your other friends? does it affect the amount of trust you have for each other?

you probably can have friends you feel comfortable to hang out with all the time and even know their lifestyles and home as well as your own but when it comes to finding someone to share your real burdens with - how often will you talk to them? maybe they don't give you the confidence to cos you know them too long such that you know they are not the kind whom like you to share your problems with them?

if the amount of trust is by relativity - if your friend trusts you more than any of her friends and you know it - but not as much as you trust her - will this affect the friendship? how many friends are you confident will come to your rescue if an emergency crops up at the expense of maybe her life? if you at least have one, then you are probably one of the lucky few.

friendship, most of the time comes second in priority to our family and perhaps love - you probably think yout family is for life so is your future other-halve. once again, if you have at least one friends whom you can imagine keeping in contact and growing old with together till the day maybe when your children are big then once again, you are probably one of the lucky few.

but of course you can't imagine your life without all of your friends either - to talk, to play, to slack, to plan, to lame, to eat, to sing, to bicker, to think of.

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along

Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come

I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

everyone needs to find their own terabithia... really love this bittersweet story and movie... the characters and their world of adventure... a must watch! but its kind of sad afterall that very few have the courage like them to venture into terabithia, especially here. you'll probably be bringing in many appalled faces if you should find your own terabithia... just like how so many kids were taught that fairytales never exist. can't kids just have a go at their imaginative and creative minds? the reality will eventually sink in when they grow up, so why not just let them live in a fun and relaxed happily-ever-after?

its intriguing how we react so differently to people around us, how we carry ourselves and all - why we come up with different decisions on the same matter at different times. why we have so many sides of ourselves? do all the sides add up to the one “me”? or are we just a mixture of others’ shadows – of all who are around us? like putting on who we think best at the moment in time and act through with it? are we just tired of being ourselves all the time so that its time to change at every chance we have? or maybe there isn’t a “me” to begin with.

perhaps the more new things happen to us the more we tend to start exploring more sides. perhaps everyone is not even sure ofwho everyone else is and who they really are. it can be really tiring to have acquaintances at times and yet you can't be without them at other times. i like the idea of being alone sometimes as i don’t need no reactions at all. a whirlwind of thoughts and tangled web of relations in my mind.

i am the same me but different to everyone else. can i ever learn to trust totally? can i even trust myself? with age and different experience we are exposed to, we just grow and learn to take on new sides in life. maybe things never change but the people do. linking and relating is so tiring… perhaps i am simply solitary yet afraid of solitude at some point in time. perhaps i am beginning to change and yet resisting it. the beginning of change is marked by feeling of inadequacy and over-rush of changing tides. maybe time will pass and i am still me. waves of torrents does not affect what the heart wishes to stay the same.

what happens when there are times where you know you should be feeling in a certain way and yet you are not and why are there times when you know you should do something and yet you dun feel like doing it at all. i miss being one with the ocean like a fish and never reminded of the botherous things. someday beyond sea somewhere waiting for me…

aww... i am simply in love with my friendly neighbour!!! haha yeah! tobey maguire rocks!!! and yup... spidey 3 was a nice movie!!! just that the first 2 movies were such a hit that spidey 3 sort of met the great expectation but its just getting harder for it to exceed that tall benchmark it set for itself and take me by surprise (like the first 2 movies did). the first is still my favourite... the intense and great changes spidey had to cope with still leaves an intriguing impression in my mind... the 2nd movie was simply captivating and intoxicating especially when he had to stop that train... aww...

seriously cannot imagine another person playing peter parker's role other than tobey maguire... he is too woven and linked with spidey for me... its just like he was born to act spidey... haha. ok yeah sheer biasness. fine. i just love tobey maguire what says you? all along batman and superman are always changing actors and they did not manage to draw me as deeply as this spidey has...

whoever said that being a butterfly is definitely better than a caterpillar? simply because a butterfly is so beautiful doesn't necessary mean that its life as a caterpillar was any pathetic and meaningless ok?! how would you know since you are not it? but how would i know since i'm not it too?! ...maybe changes come naturally to all living things as time pass by. but if a caterpillar were given the chance to choose, would it rather remain as a caterpillar in face with all the pretty butterflies around it? and what if a butterfly gets to choose too... will it and can it be a simple caterpillar again after all that it has seen once it got its wings? what will it see? definitely more than what a caterpillar sees? but will what it faces after the change be worth the choice? what if the choice is irreversible and the chance to choose only comes once? to take a venture and may so live a life of regret thereafter or remain the same and keep thinking about the "what ifs" if it had made the other choice? what will your choice be?

is it really possible to stay the same person you are? ...and when people all around you changes... will things ever be the same again even when you refuse to change? what if you lose track of the real sense of being yourself if you keep changing all the time and one day gets too tired to stay the same anymore? staying the same requires so much effort and more than your decision... it so depended on whether your environment allows you to... whether you come to terms with the balancing point and whether you are able balance this point with people around you. why, i didn't like people to be hard on themselves and change to please me but neither do i like it the other way round too... can't we just find someone who are more or less like us and at the same time prefers to stay more or less the same for us and for themselves too?

fantasy ~ a form of escapism? used to think people who like to escape from reality for long period of time are rather weak... but perhaps a while of escapism may be good afterall. it does help to take our mind off certain stuffs that may otherwise press us so hard and leave us breathless at the end of the day and at the same time nothing conclusive comes out of our incessant thinking on the matter. maybe some things really shouldn't be hurried and worried too much for. feels much more ready for reality now. :)

is what i want really what i want? how can anyone be sure of what they want is what they really really want until they get what they want? how do you know if what you want is what you think you want or that what you want is actually getting what you think you will get? is there a link between interest and talent? can you be good at something that you might not like or really like something that you might not do well in actually? argh... what do i want? do you know what you want? are you sure when you get what you want it is exactly what you want actually?

... came across this comic while browsing through the internet... looks interesting. the internet is probably one of the many things that before they came into existence, there wasn't really any actual need for them. but after they did you probably can't do without them.

ok. no link but i was also thinking about how people of extraordinary talent are usually peculiar in their character... but i believe this perception is largely shaped by some shows i've been watching since young.

always had the idea that extremely artistic people are usually quiet and has extreme - highly intensified feelings... like if one day you happened to bump into them while they are creating some art works and that your interruption had spoilt everything driven away their inspiration and mood you are probably going to get scowled at and stuff. but they will probably be a spontaneous and romantic bunch who lacks the ability to provide you with the sense of security.

then again my idea of someone gifted in science/research will probably let themselves in on their work so much that if one day you bump into them in th middle of their research, they probably won't even realise you are there... like totally absorbed in their work and ignores other things completely... then if you happen to meet them for dinner and stuff they will probably rattle on and on and on about their work-related stuff... imagine when you are eating a piece of steak and all they is that while you are eating your body is secreting this and that enzymes and the molecules found in a steak are..... haha - imagine that!

hmmm.... then what if someone artistic meets and fall in love with someone science-based... that'll be fun. haha. but that invoke some other idea on whether opposites do attract - is everyone is just looking for someone who are like them and hold similar perceptions so that they are understood by their other half or someone strikingly different so they are completed?

... but as everyone always say that there are no logical formulas/reasonings that you can apply to love so... yeah once again i am thinking too much... hehe :D

goodness... i can't believe i am sooooo into the phantom of the opera that i have decided to watch it once more before it leaves singapore... on the 20th may... i guess it should be their last show. argh feeling terribly, horribly irrational and rash myself... especially when the ticket price are ex... maybe its been too long since some sensation like this manage to sweep me off feet... and oh well i was caught off guard... having weighed the cost of the ticket and the fact that the last time they were in singapore was like nearly 10 yrs ago... i finally decided to allow myself to be impulsive this time. haiz. oki at least i managed to get seats 8th row from the stage - consolling thought.

the last time i was in circle 3, level 4 and didn't manage to see the actors' and actresses' facial expressions that well. though i enjoyed myself tremendously nonetheless :) hopefully the people sitting beside me are less "conversational" than the last time so i can get absorbed by the musical totally this time. i felt so bad to ask them to lower their volume... but you know, i just don't want to get distracted... hehe :D oh well... i think its going to take quite a long while before this musical wears its excitement effects off me. its simply too amazing lah... crap... luckily at the present there are not much extremely important things that need my attention like studies and exams blah blah... hence i can indulge myself to this extravagance.

oh ya... i like the movie too!!! but the feeling is somehow different when you are there yourself and face to face with all the performers kinda thing. oh well hehe.

rite - must start saving up for future... k. after this i will. shall try real hard to restrain myself from watching another musical until i am able to control myself better of course. argh.... still wondering if i should get the movie vcd and programme book for the musical... argh - hui jun!!!

MUSIC OF THE NIGHT

Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation.
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination.
Silently the senses abandon their defences

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour.
Grasp it, sense it tremulous and tender.
Turn your face away from the garish light of day,
Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light -
and listen to the music of the night...

Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before!
Close your eyes,let your spirit start to soar!
And you'll live as you've never lived before

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind,
in this darkness that you know you cannot fight
the darkness of the music of the night.

Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world!
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before!
Let your soul take you where you long to be!
Only then can you belong to me

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night

the phantom of the opera. moving. grasping. enchanting. added to my wish-list ~ the chance to go london broadway to see this spectacular and magnificent performance which has been running for the 17th year now, the longest running musical.

went to see the musical alone last evening and was awed like i never did before. the feeling was beyond words. simply swept along and moved along. the idea of catching the musical by myself was the rightest decision i made.

i got all the time in the world to allow myself to be woven into the musical, ravel and reminisce... the undivided attention is something that will not happen if accompanied... i simply love this musical and the whole musical is simply unforgettable.

... when what you want is not what you are made for and when dreams and reality are too far apart - which should you hold onto?

... had always loved the feeling of being one with nature... watching sunrise, sunset and simply listening to the sound of the waves hitting the shores...

and the chirping and twitterings in the woods...

this feeling is indescribable... as if you are the only one here at the particular moment in time and that you are actually being held and embraced by mother nature...

gazing into the starry skies when darkness falls... the silence and stillness of the night full of million little specks of stars staring back at me... often makes me feels like i'm just like one of the many specks of light... like how the stars appear to me in the whole big universe... and then i will hear the song somewhere out there... and wonders about the little prince and his planets...and then i would feel like i'm the only one in the univerese amongst the silence.

truly relaxing and a calm surrender for me in the rush of day... hope this special sense of serenity remains so special to me each time... :)

... does choices exist in a world of enchantment where happy endings exist? currently in a wondering mode... happened to realise that life is actually both short and long depending on how you see it, which made certain decisions seem harder... yet sometimes decisions do not always lead to conclusions.