keep your silence.

i waited for the words that will never come,
and the promise that will never be kept.
i should never have taken your words so seriously in the first place,
or believed them altogether.

yes, i am silently losing my patience with you,
as well as my faith in you,
when i should be losing those hauntingly vivid memories of you.
 
so now i am going to try convincing myself once again,
how pointless this whole thing is,
this thing that is never going to go anywhere.

so keep your silence. maintain it.

as i hold mine.

the insistence of my unspoken rule.
pride? fear?
both.
 
they said if you can understand then that's not love.
perhaps.

proud, timid, annoyingly stubborn and thoroughly quiet,
perhaps our paths should never have crossed in the first place.

so now i don't have to try so hard.
its not your fault, i know.

its just me being me.

strangely

strangely,
before i knew it, i felt it.
perhaps a coincidence,
perhaps an unseen thread,
perhaps nothing much.
yet it doesn't matter now.
it shouldn't.

tonight i saw your constellation across the sky.
but it doesn't matter anymore.
cos you'll never know.

so many things, simply won't matter anymore.
you're gone.

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gone with the wind.

if i lay here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

probably not.
you're already slipping away,
slowly fading away,
leaving it all behind.

leaving me behind.

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a lil grey,
a lil down,
a lil lost,
a lil drained.

a lil sunshine would be good,
some answers would be better,
there's no need for words,
a right hug and just having the right shoulder to lean on would be splendid.
i don't need the whole world.

just you.
whom i tried so hard to let go.

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done.
done expecting.
done hoping.

something or nothing.
things are fine like that.

in fact, perhaps things have never been not like that.

for if she is not your reason to be brave,
then you are not her reason to jump.

and she knows that she'll never find that brave dreamer.

so, from your quietness she'll ride away with the winds.
and like the washed-away shoe prints, sink into the sand.

perhaps, things have always meant to be this way.

so if this is what simplicity is, she'll take it.
she'll gladly take it.

because its all or none,
because she's fine on her own,
and because she'll always stay a dreamer for love.

you are my fire
the one desire
believe when i say
i want it that way

but we are two worlds apart
can't reach to your heart
when you say
that i want it that way

am i your fire
your one desire
yes i know it's too late
but i want it that way...

the way where you'll sing this only to me:

when the visions around you
bring tears to your eyes
and all that surrounds you
are secrets and lies

i'll be your strength
i'll give you hope
keeping your faith when it's gone
the one you should call
was standing there all along

and i will take you in my arms
and hold you right where you belong
til' the day my life is through
this i promise you
this i promise you

... i give you my word
i give you my heart
this is a battle we've won
and with this vow
forever has now begun

just close your eyes
each loving day
and know this feeling won't go away
til' the day my life is through
this i promise you
this i promise you

... every word i say is true
this i promise you,
i promise you.

man and pride.

to express your worth, you put others down.
in doing so, your ill confidence exposed.

your magnanimity towards others would have been so much more impressive.
your generosity, appreciated.

respect others and you'll gain mine.
treat others with genuine gentleness and kindness,
and you'd have won my admiration.

you can own the world,
yet any game won without respect is but pointless to me.

though i may not share my thoughts readily,
that does not mean i do not think, or that i do not see -
i just do not say.

being a fairly simple person,
i sometimes wonder how people fail to see what i see,
purposely complicate matters,
and end up making things difficult for themselves.

yet then again, if i were truly simple,
why would i even need to search for simplicity in the first place?

maybe that's why a part of me is this autistic.

perhaps, i'm indeed not as easy to understand as i'd like to think.

happiness is when you found what you lost.
joy is when what you lost found its way back home.
for the first time, i was reminded why i am where i am.
the feeling is simply... indescribable.
amazing small fella!

shoes of mine,
now so faraway,
how lucky was i,
once upon a time.

to have found you upon the shore,
that very fine day.

your thoughts, i never need to fathom
your feelings, you so generously share.
with you, it was so easy to talk about everything.
i simply can't find your guarding walls,
so it was never hard letting you in on my thoughts.

you sense how i feel through my subtle words,
i don't even need to say them out.
my heart you always managed to warm... whenever it gets a little cold.

yet neither time nor fate is on our side,
and now you're so faraway,
so faraway...

but these few days, particularly these few days,
you're often on my mind...

your openess,
your trusting self,
your simplicity,
your understanding.

you.

because. that's why.

because all you can see is my smile,
you forgot that i am not immune to sadness.

because i remind you of the shining sun,
you forgot that there are just some days with darker skies for me too.

because i listen to you all the time,
you got too used to not caring about my side of the story.

because you are you,
so i am me.

and. i. feel. like. that. sometimes.

today is one such day.

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shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

jason walker

after the silence, after the last words.

caught in the silence,  

caught in between.

after the madness,

after the slow shock,

before the wave hits,

the flood comes rushing in.

this is the bad before the worse,

this is the storm before the storm,

i haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor.

this is the bend before the break,

this is the mercy not the grace,

this is the proof and not the faith i try to find.

there shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

... if i never had you,

i know that i'd... i still would have mourned you.

i would have missed your smile.

if it wasn't so worth it, this wouldn't be...

the bad before the worse,

the storm before the storm,

i haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor.

this is the bend before the break,

this is the mercy not the grace,

this is the proof and not the faith i try to find.

there shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

i know this is gonna get better,

i know this is gonna get better,

i know.

this is the bitter not the sweet,

this is the take and not the keep,

and i haven't even reached the bottom of this ocean floor.

this is the bend before the break,

this is the mercy not the grace,

this is the proof and not the faith i try to find.

there shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

avenues simply doesn't matter anymore.
too tired, for anything else to be said at this juncture...
never been heard, not seeing the point,
you whispered to the wind, eyes closed.

the route ahead had always been clear,
yet before you realised,
your one foot was already in this rabbit hole far too long.

the final straw of anger mingled with hurt,
drained the last bit of your breath, and apathy caves in,

now the final thing you left behind -
your defiant shout coupled with the calm silence.

you finally turned, and walked away.

you finally left it all behind.

without glancing back,
your back view wasn't even in sight.

yet how you loved them i will always remember.
those were the only times i found you letting down your guard,
for human beings are indeed too scary to not guard against.
i understand, i really do.

just wished for time to be more on my side so i could be that inch closer to your heart,
so i'd know if this was really what you felt.

but i'd never know.
so i could only guess.

one day i may be finally let in,
if you still remember your promise.

or, one day i just might finally find out
what it feels like... to be you.

one day.

today you brought me sadness,
yet i am happy for you.

just need a little time to cover up this space
you've accidentally created in my heart,

yet it just might never be completely filled.

one. thing.
one direction

... i can't ever be brave
cos you make my heart race
shot me out of the sky
you're my kryptonite
you keep making me weak
yeah, frozen and can't breathe

some things gotta give now
cos i'm dying just to make you see
that i need you here with me now
cos you've got that one thing

so get out, get out, get out of my head
and fall into my arms instead
i don't, i don't, don't know what it is
but i need that one thing
and you've got that one thing

now i'm climbing the walls
but you don't notice at all
that i'm going out of my mind
all day and all night

so get out, get out, get out of my mind
and come on, come into my life
i don't, i don't, don't know what it is
but i need that one thing
and you've got that one thing

you've got that one thing

you're missing it.
jason walker

it's cold again and i do not know what to do
i need a friend,
but all i really want is you.

where have you been?
i haven't seen you for so long,
i guess you're gone,
you're really gone.

... what do you know
things have changed so suddenly...

here i am.
i am moving on without you,
without you.

now the years have passed us by,
and i still do not know why.

before you tried,
you chose to quit.

so where are you tonight?
you could make it all alright,
but instead you're missing it,
you're missing it.

you're missing it,
all the things that i have done.
you're missing it,
everything i have become.

there'll be a day when you wish you could go back,
when your mistakes will catch up with where you're at.
before you know all your chances will be gone,
they will be gone.

i. feel. like. that.
jason walker

... i tried to write
the perfect song
but every time i do
i feel like it just comes out wrong
i've tried to find the perfect words
i'm still looking for
the ones that you deserve

and i don't know if i will ever find
the perfect way to tell you, why
when every time i try...

... cos every moment meant so much
i couldn't let it pass
i'm right back where i first stood...

... and you know
i've never looked back
and every time i try to tell you how i feel
i feel like that

i feel like that.

it's hard to give
when i'm still fallin'
but i haven't hit the ground
but i hope
you can understand
i'm only trying to say
in the best way that i can

and i don't think
that i will ever find the perfect way to tell you,
why.

cry.
jason walker

... holding on just don't make sense
but the hardest part of letting go
is tryin' to find a way
to let you know

so we'll just cry, cry
on each other's shoulders
cry until it's over

can't it just be over
and we'll just cry, cry
cry until it's all gone

been holding on for too long
time for us to move on
i'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why
so let's just cry

i'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why
i'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why
i'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why

so let's just cry.